Adventures of a Firang Squirrel In India

2009-02-10T19:17:00.001-05:00

SUPPORT YOUR LOCAL PINK CHADDI BRIGADE
IF YOU DON'T, YOU COULD LOSE SOMETHING MUCH MORE IMPORTANT THAN JUST YOUR CHADDI!

I know, I am negligent

2008-10-29T20:20:00.002-04:00

I have not written lately and I do not have an excuse.

OK, I have a lot of excuses. Work, baby, husband, life... cooking, cleaning, avoiding grocery shopping.

ugh.

I will tell you what has been bothering me a lot lately. As a parent of a child, a girl child, I am scared as all hell of what will become of her. I seem to hear more and more and more lately about children being raped, trafficked, murdered, kidnapped, starved... the list of abuses is harrowing and it keeps me up at night. Sometimes I fear that the worry will cause me to go mad.

The other day my husband noted that the baby was getting very upset each time it was time for a diaper change. My mind immediately jumped to the worst case scenario... that she was being molested at day care. My husband reassured me that this is not the case (he is a doctor, he would know) but still it took a little bit of time to realize it was just a 15 month old having a tantrum and not a case of sexual abuse.

I am honestly terrified. I do not know what I will do when it is time for her to school. I am a worrier. I have always been a worrier. I have generalized anxiety disorder, and that will not go away. And I just feel like this world is in so much worse shape than I ever remember it being in. You go to any news website, and women are being sold, raped, murdered... everyone is angry and they want to take it out on someone. And the dehumanization is astounding. Sometimes I just read CNN and weep.

Right, I know, I could be depressed. But at the end of the day shouldn't these things scare and sadden me? Is ignoring them any better? I could feasibly stick my head in the proverbial sand about all this, but that will not help prepare my daughter. Of course if I teach her to be anxious and terrified and skeptical of people, that is also doing her a potentially crippling disservice also.

What to do, what to do. Sometimes I want to take my loved ones and move to some remote island. Clearly that is not the answer either. So I guess I need to do something somewhere. Back to my original want of helping trafficked women. I wanted to do that in India, and never found an organization in Bangalore, but I guess I need to start looking for something here in DC. There has to be something.

Palin and bathroom behavior

2008-09-16T19:31:00.002-04:00

OMG. One of McCrap's advisor's called the SNL spoof sexist.
Oh for the love of Christ.

I will say it here for the record. I think Sarah Palin is a dangerous woman. She is wildly unprepared to lead the nation. And any person in this century who would threaten a librarian to force him/her to ban a book should not be eligible to lead a free nation. We send young men and women to die in wars to defend (ostensibly, anyway) freedom and democracy. Banning books is the fucking opposite of freedom and democracy.

I hate the lies. I hate their whole maverick bullshit. I am incensed that Palin is playing the sexist card. It's all so disingenuous.

I think if McCrap and beyond-the-Palin are elected, we'll look back at W and think they are the salad days.

I am officially scared.

In other news, the ladies in my office have about as much bathroom etiquette knowledge as the men in my old office in India. First of all, raise your hand if you know the "stall rule."

OK, what it means is that if you enter a fairly empty bathroom and someone is in a stall, you do NOT enter the stall directly on either side of them. If you can help it. You skip a stall. If the bathroom is busy or there is some other kind of issue, then the rule is lifted. But it is rude to sit down and take a dump right next to someone when you can leave some room.

Got it.

And for the love of God. Some stupid bitch entered the bathroom today and proceeded to take a massive dump while on a BUSINESS CALL. What the fuck? I purposefully flushed like 4 times just in hopes that the person on the other line would hear and get that she was pooping while taking a call.

Jesus. I hate people sometimes.

2008-09-10T20:17:00.002-04:00

ನಮಸ್ಕಾರ ಸರ್

Hey look, I can write my posts in kannada.

Now only if I could remember any kannada. :(

confidential to the lurker in Topsfield, MA

2008-08-14T18:53:00.002-04:00

Hey, do I know you?
You know I grew up on the North Shore, right? Or is this all a coincidence?

I think I also have a reader in Beverly. Who are you guys?!?!?
(I mean, you're certainly welcome and all, but you've piqued my interest now!)

Superstar!

2008-08-01T18:35:00.004-04:00

The baby's advertisements are finally out.
You can see them here:

http://www.himalayababycare.com/

We were surprised to learn that they have used her pictures on the "baby pack" packaging too! Keep an eye out around India, and you just might see our daughter on a billboard near you:

Awwwwwww.

And no, we will not be pursuing other modeling opportunities for her. This was a one-off. It was fun, but it's not really the kind of future I envision for my daughter. And the pay was not as good as one might imagine.

Birthday Party!

2008-07-27T19:37:00.002-04:00

Anjali's first birthday party was a success! I think everyone had fun. The cookies below were made by my friend Julie who does AMAZING work! Aren't those the cutest things you've ever seen?

It's My Birthday

2008-07-21T20:19:00.003-04:00

So I asked the baby what she wanted for her first birthday. She didn't answer me.
Well, she kinda did.

This was her response:

Mmm, mmm... good!

Sick and tired of being sick and tired

2008-07-14T20:45:00.003-04:00

I thought that my string of illnesses would be behind me when we left India. In Bangalore it seemed like every time I turned around I was getting something... gastro-intestinal issues galore, colds, sinus infections, you name it. Then I was sick for the whole 9 months of my pregnancy. But I was sure that I would be so much better when we got back to the states.

As soon as we got back I got sick. I was down with some mega-intestinal thing on my second week of work and did not feel right for about 3 weeks after. Then I got a cold. Then I slept the wrong way and my neck was stiff for a week. But the crowning glory came this past week.

I woke up last tuesday and found that the whole right side of my face was swollen. Nice. My eye was watering uncontrollably and my face was tender. I went to an ophthalmologist near my office figuring I had a blocked tear duct, but he told me it was not my eye. Apparently I was suffering from a sinus infection. OK, fine. One or the other. No matter, right? He gave me a prescription for Augmentin and told me to follow up with an ENT.

Fast forward 2 days. My throat is ON FIRE. I have a violent headache. I think I have the sinus infection from hell, but I figure that the Augmentin will clear it up. I also start taking some OTC sinus relief stuff. And something for my throat.

By Saturday I am in agony. My husband looks in my throat and finds that my tonsils are covered in, well, shit. So I have to drag my ass to the emergency room, because we're now scared I have some step infection that is taking over my throat. I cannot wait until Monday so I get to fork over the big bucks to sit in hell in the ER In the end the friggin strep culture comes back negative, along with the mono test, so all I am left with is the information that I have a vicious viral throat infection and a prescription for Vicodin. And let me tell you, the Vidodin is barely strong enough to stop the pain in my throat.

So today I am still too sick to go to work. My throat feels like I have been swallowing thumb tacks, and the medicine makes me loopy. And I still have crazy sores all over my tonsils, so I am terrified they are abscessed and will need to come out.

Fuck all, can I catch a break please?

But I did think I might have to say this...

2008-07-10T19:10:00.002-04:00

Jesse Jackson, you SERIOUSLY need to shut the fuck up.

If I were Barack Obama I would be seriously angry with your ass.
At the end of the day, Jesse Jackson can't stand to so nobody else happy. He's an angry man that never knows when to keep his mouth shut (can you say Hymie-town?)

I do think Jackson has done some good. But he also runs roughshod over the lines of decency quite often.

So yeah, Jesse Jackson, please do us all a favor and SHUT UP!

I never thought in a million years that I would say this...

2008-06-30T19:12:00.001-04:00

but...

Bill Clinton, for crissake, sit down and shut the fuck up!

(glares angrily)

They Grow Up So Fast

2008-06-29T19:29:00.002-04:00

ya, ya its a cliche but seriously... I feel like she was just born. I cannot believe she is this little individual who points at what she wants, loves ceiling fans, and thinks that swimming is the best possible way to pass the time. She is fearless. She even went fully underwater at the pool yesterday! She even says "HI!" now and loves to dance.... to anything.... commercials, beatboxing, you name it!

And in less than a month, she'll be a year old.

Cooking With the Squirrel - Yummy Summer Pasta

2008-06-24T18:54:00.003-04:00

OK, so I made a variation on something I used to make a lot in the summer. It's an easy-peasy pasta sauce that you should try. It's good hot or cold, and it's great on Barilla Plus (read: whole wheat) pasta. I usually use rotini or penne, but I guess farfalle would be alright too. You could add tuna to it in the end for some protein, or do what I do and pop some cherry or grape tomatoes in for color just before serving.

You will need:

1 head of fresh spinach
2 large cloves of garlic (you can use 3 if you love garlic)
2 medium to large tomatoes
grated parmesan cheese (not that gross stuff in the can!)
a small handful of plain roasted almonds
EVOO (extra virgin olive oil)
salt
pepper
crushed red pepper (optional, but I highly recommend it)

So clean and dry the spinach and sautee it in a pan with some evoo. cook it thoroughly but it should still be a bright green. It should *not* be mush. Drain off the leftover liquid.

In a food processor put the cooked spinach, garlic cloves (peeled and cut in half), the raw tomatoes (cut into quarters), a good sized handful of parmesan, the almonds, and the spices to taste. Run the processor on medium until the ingredients look well blended. Add evoo to make it look like a thick sauce. DO NOT over blend (it will start to froth and the spinach will go bitter)

Drain the cooked pasta and coat it well with the sauce. That's it! Easy and nutritious, and depending on how much oil you use, low fat as well.

If you wanna be all fancy, you could skip the almonds and olive oil and add cream in the very end to make a very rich and delicious (but not as good for you) alternative.

Buon Appetito!

The Rain in Spain... er, Maine... Falls Mainly on the Drive Home

2008-06-15T19:28:00.002-04:00

We had a lovely weekend in Maine at the wedding of my cousin A. They got married at Cliff House in Ogunquit overlooking the water on a clear and sunny late afternoon. It was actually a bit chilly by the time it got time for cocktails, but who's complaining? And the rain held off until late last night. Not so bad, but we did have to pack the car during a downpour.

We had a nice day beforehand, walking on the beach with my parents. Anjali had her first experience with the ocean, and got to dip her feet and legs in the freezing cold water. The water up there gets warm enough to swim in probably 2 days a year, and that certainly isn't in mid-June. I put on sunscreen, but apparently did a lousy job on myself because I had a lovely sunburn on my face and chest by the time we got back to the hotel. It was square-shaped and my dress was v-neck. So classy! And I had to do a reading looking like that. Gack.

All in all a lovely weekend save the near-breakdown I had during breakfast saturday when I saw on TV that Tim Russert had died the day before. I was heartbroken. I really admired him and trusted what he had to say about anything in the political realm. You know he's wherever he is totally pissed off that he died during an election year.

Oh, Tim, come back. We miss you already.

People, In General, Suck.

2008-06-03T19:16:00.002-04:00

So yeah. We live in an apartment. It's just not feasible for us to buy right now as God only knows where my husband will have to do his residency in the next year or so.

Anyway, living in an apartment was alright when I was single. It was even OK after I got married. And in India with the baby, it was mostly fine because our neighbors were pretty considerate. That just doesn't seem to be the case here in our new place.

I picked the development we live in because I used to live here before I moved to India. And since I needed to secure a place for us to come to while we were still in Bangalore, our choices were pretty much limited to complexes I had seen before. We did not want any big surprises on top of a one year lease. Plus, this place has lots of trees and you can walk to the grocery store, Starbucks, Subway and CVS. Oh, and Dairy Queen!

A few days after we moved in we noticed that we could smell cigarette smoke. At times strongly. And then once I went to pick the baby up and SHE smelled like smoke. We sniffed around the place and decided it was coming up from our downstairs neighbors, and was filtering through the holes cut where the plumbing comes. The smell is gaggingly strong under the bathroom sinks.

So I call the rental office, and they send maintenance to caulk the holes to try to solve the issue. Not much changes. I talk to the rental office again, and we try some more stunts. I ask her why there is not more insulation and she gives me some story about the building being 11 years old and codes were different then.

Whatever, lady... my baby is breathing second-hand smoke.

So in a last-ditch effort I ask her to set up a meeting with the neighbors. Now, legally I know that is their home and they have a right to smoke there. But I am hoping that when they find out the situation, that an infant's health is at stake, that they will agree to smoke out on their balcony where at least the smell and smoke will dissipate quickly. I am willing to forgo a whole summer's use of my rather enormous balcony (of which I had big plans for!) just to stop the madness.

But what happens? Well apparently one of the neighbors is a lawyer and he decides that we have no legal right to ask for anything, and he refuses to even meet with us.

No concern for an infant. No neighborly concessions. No interest in even meeting us. Fucking selfish, obnoxious bastard is simply concerned with his own rights. Not only that but he apparently complained that we're often up nights. Uh, yeah genius... we have an infant. And hey, maybe it might be fun for her to spend more time in her jumparoo at 3 AM. Two can play that game, asshole.

But I won't do it. Why? Because some of us were raised to not be such self-centered morons.

The Squirrel Cuts Her Hair

2008-05-27T19:41:00.003-04:00

Yup. I did it. I threatened it for months, and last Sunday I made good on my threats.

I cut all my hair off. Enough so that I could donate about a foot of it to Locks Of Love.

I know it is boring and predictable and trendy, but I now have a long bob, a la Posh.
Something like this:

OK, so I don't look like that, but...

now the baby finds it much harder to yank on my hair. And my husband seems to fancy it!

2008-05-09T09:11:00.002-04:00

I think it is easy for many of us to forget that in many other places in the world, there is war going on.

And that this kind of fighting really does irreparably damage the daily lives of ordinary humans.

I saw this video clip this morning, and it broke my heart. I sat at my desk crying wondering what the fuck is wrong with this planet. One moment this poor kid is playing and the next he is scared out of his little mind by gunfire. And his mother or grandmother there is terrified as well.

This is the reality of war.

I have nothing more to say about it. Human beings suck.

In an Instant

2008-05-05T12:18:00.005-04:00

I feel a bit like my weekend was pulled from movie that Quentin Tarantino would direct.

Friday night I went to see Crowded House. I should tell you that I am obsessed with Neil Finn, and have loved their music since High School. And they really do just keep getting better and better. Anyway, the show was a high point since my return back to the US. I finally felt at home, I finally felt connected. It was amazing (as always) and one or two of the songs moved me to tears.

That is where the joy ended.

After the show I took the metro to Pentagon City with some friends. I turned down a ride home, and my husband was supposed to be on his way to come pick me up. Well, apparently the poor guy, who has only been in the US for a couple months and has only driven this route like twice before, got distracted by my dad chattering at him in the car and missed the exit. He and my dad ended up driving all over Northern Virginia and DC while I stood on a rather sketchy stretch of mostly deserted road shouting at them over the phone.

Eventually they got to me at about 1 AM and all's well that ends well.

Well.
Until the next night.

Saturday night we all went out to eat, and I was driving my parents back to their hotel. We had the baby in the car, too. I went to pull in to the hotel and I see a tour bus discharging passengers on the side of the road. So I stop and put on my directional to turn, and then start to go. Out of nowhere the bus driver guns it and goes right for us, so I slammed on my brakes. I hit the horn and he honked back, and I was really angry. He had seen us start to turn and he had actually been stopped.

So I drop my parents off, and I pulled along side the bus where the driver was standing. I said to him "Hey, you almost hit us back there and I have an infant in the car."

I had barely finished my sentence when he started ranting at me, using foul language and screaming. He was so out of control that I became very frightened. He finally challenged me to call the police, so I did. While I went in front of the hotel to wait for the police to come, this man continued to scream and yell at me, and he actually threatened to assault me on numerous occasions as various onlookers were telling him to stop it. It was insanity. I could not believe this HUGE man (he had to be 350 lbs and over 6 feet tall) was threatening me like that... a 5 foot tall woman with an infant. I was barely even speaking to him. He was just going off. He even told me that he did not care if he went to jail.

When the police came they took a statement, and I did not pursue pressing charges because really all I wanted was him to know that he could have caused a fatal accident, and also for him to realize that his reaction was not even close to normal. Who behaves like that? Who causes that kind of scene? Later that evening both my husband and I were extremely shaken up as we realized that he was probably a whole lot more unstable than we ever counted on, and we were very lucky that nothing happened to either one of us.

That thought really hit home this morning. As I was getting ready for work, I heard on the news that someone had been murdered near my office. Washington D.C. has more than its share of violent crime, but the area where I work is considered safe. Anyway, as I was walking to work, I started noticing brown droplets on the pavement that got bigger and bigger. I almost became sick when I saw the discarded police tape and realized that it was the blood of the 24 year old man that was stabbed to death at the ATM just a few hours earlier. It was scattered all up the entire block, and I guess no one had come yet to clean it.

It makes you realize just how tenuous our hold on life really is. One bad decision, one split second and your life is reduced to splashes of blood on a city sidewalk.

Yes, We're Alive and We Made It

2008-04-23T19:56:00.002-04:00

Yes, I know. I have been negligent.

Of this blog, anyway.

What have I been doing, you ask? Well, we flew into Boston where we had 3 days with my parents and I promptly got the flu. I was mostly OK for the drive down to DC, but by then Kishore was ill. The baby stayed with my parents until we set up the apartment (well, mostly anyway). It was insane the amount of things we had to do, the amount of things we had to purchase... the sheer CRAP we had to go through.

See, I think karma caught up with me. In India I used to get completely fed up with the bureaucracy, the inefficiency, the chaos. And inevitably what I would say is something like "This shit would never happen in the US."

And now I get to eat my share of humble pie. It seems that customer service in this country has hit an all time low. Things that never would have happened even 2 years ago seem to be commonplace. Astounding, really, the turn that things seem to have taken when it comes to getting anything done.

Anyway... pretty much everything else is good. I am back at work. We're living our life. The baby is growing every day and learning new things. She says "TA TA!" and waves. It's amazing.

More updates soon. Hope some of you are still out there reading.

So I guess this is ta-ta, bye-bye

2008-02-21T00:40:00.002-05:00

Well, the shippers are coming tomorrow and the internet connection is being cut off on Saturday... so I guess this is, as they say here in India "ta-ta, bye-bye."

I am sure I will continue blogging, either here or back at smallsquirrel. It will take me a bit of time to get set up back in the US, so please be patient. I go back to work almost immediately after we return, so it is bound to be a bit hectic.

I really am getting senti about leaving. It seems the time here just slipped through my fingers. I had all these grand plans for my time here. I did not get to do even a fraction of the travel I intended. So where did I go in India? Well, since I moved here only: Delhi, Agra, Hyderabad, Coorg. On other trips I also went to Goa and Mumbai. That seems like nothing. I had big ideas about Rajasthan and Kerala and the Maldives and Bangkok and you name it I was going. Then I got pregnant and well, sitting up was a challenge... never mind traveling. And I never made a trek. My husband is miserable about that singular fact.

And the food. Oh I will miss the food. I mean, of course while I am here I am cribbing about not getting mexican food. But once I am home and there are no good dosas to be had... WAIL.

And my friends. This is the hardest part. Damn it. Just get your asses to the US for a visit, alright?

OK, see ya soon. Here's something for you to look at while we take a break.

some people are @(#&@(#&()ing IDIOTS

2008-02-11T03:14:00.000-05:00

So part of moving is selling off things you don't need. In our case, it is more a matter of selling off more than half of what we own because shipping a lot of stuff to the US would be really costly, and I have a lot of things in storage there already.

We have put ads on Craigslist and other places so that we can get rid of our washing machine, fridge, sofas and just about everything else. And the act of opening or home up to the general public was simply more than we had bargained for.

First of all, on the first notice I failed to note the times that people should call for inquiries. What a blunder. The first morning we got a call at 6:45 am from some eager beaver who wanted a 300 rupee lamp. That night someone called at 11 pm to ask about a bookshelf. I went in to our account and immediately changed the posting.

Some of the emails we received were simply funny. We had advertised a set of side tables, and we had included a picture so people would know what they looked like. One brilliant woman emailed me to ask for another picture since "you only showed one of the tables and you said it was a set. I want to know what the other one looks like." It took me 20 minutes to stop laughing and return her email... I was afraid that I would tell her she was too stupid to own my tables.

Other people just barge into the house with no sense of decorum. No pleasantries, no niceties, just business. We have had to ask about 40 percent of people to take off their shoes. They just barge in as soon as we open the door like it is the annual running of the bulls in Pamplona. They are most of the way into the apartment before I have to turn them round with a stern "could you PLEASE remove your chappals?" Others just head off into any room they see fit, usually heading straight off into our bedroom, which makes me insane.

Just this morning one woman barged in and I had to ask her to remove her sneakers. She was obviously annoyed. Then she looked at what we had and asked if we had anything else for sale. We told her yes, there was one divan left in the bedroom. Keep in mind that we've sold pretty much everything, including the cot we were sleeping on. Which means that my husband and I are sleeping on a mattress on the floor. And what does this obnoxious lady do? When I put the baby down on the bed to show her the divan, she goes WALKING across our bed! I wanted to punch her in the head. Who the fuck walks on someone else's bed? My mouth was hanging open in shock as she stood there on our bed pondering the divan. Even my maid was horrified.

No one has been more annoying than my neighbor. For the first week of the sales process she would turn up 4-5 times a night and pick out different things she wanted. Then she would go downstairs, rethink, then come back up with someone else to have them look at whatever it is that she wanted. The worst part of it was that she had absolutely no decorum, and was opening cabinets and drawers, and trying to convince us to sell her things that we had no intention of selling! Or she wanted them at ridiculous prices. Yeah, sure you can have that almost new LG 29 inch TV for 2,000 rupees.

The icing on the cake was that she kept saying that "pukka" she would buy our dining table, and so we put off so many people who were interested. Then one day her husband shows up and tells us sorry, but they aren't taking it. Thank god my friend D. is buying it, otherwise I would have lost my mind.

Now for sure not everyone is this rude or this dense. We've met some lovely people and had some interesting conversations. And it has worked out that many of the people who bought things from us were really very nice and it was a pleasure talking with them.

But my god, where did these other assholes come from?

Title Change

2008-01-29T13:25:00.000-05:00

Not that I did not know it before, but being a parent is seriously hard work. It's not really the physical part that does me in. It's the mental stuff. I am sure as time goes on I will get better at it, but wow... your life changes in so many massive ways. You just cannot grasp it before it happens.

Last weekend the baby started vomiting. And she couldn't stop. It became frightening. You see your helpless infant suddenly becoming floppy and listless, and you are virtually powerless to make it stop. Medicine did not work, so we decided to take her to hospital to avoid a 3 AM trip if she continued to be sick. She was admitted for observation, and luckily what little medicine she managed to keep inside did the trick and she was released by lunchtime the next day, no worse for the wear.

But I will tell you, my brain nearly exploded. I think it was a combo of the stress of this whole move, the fact that I have not been sleeping well, and then that happening. I was OK on the outside, but I was lying there in the hospital bed, looking at my sickly child thinking the worst. At the time we had no idea what was causing the problem (we still don't but it probably was just a stomach virus) and my poor brain was already short circuiting. For a few harrowing minutes I was thinking about what in the name of God I would do if it were serious. What if she was really, truly, irreversibly ill? I managed to stop myself going too far down that path, but it was a while before my interior matched my suitably calm exterior.

I am positive that I will not react this way to every sniffle, puke or scraped knee. But I am just now realizing that the things you think are no big deal with other peoples' lives can be really harrowing when it happens to you. We all know that in theory, but I never realized how helpless I could really feel and how terrifying a simple stomach virus can be. And I am not by any means someone who panics about medical stuff. But when it is a child... when it is YOUR child... the balance shifts and all bets are off. Nothing you thought you knew applies any more. I can only imagine how parents of a truly sick child must feel.

And it is clear to me now. My life is well and truly changed. I am not just a person with a child.

I am a parent.

and here I thought it was a lie!

2008-01-24T03:15:00.000-05:00

Okay, so once my husband told me that the dogs here often get stuck together after they... um... well... you know..... after they, ahem... get busy.

I thought that was the biggest load of rubbish I had ever heard in my life. I have seen dogs in the US go about getting their little doggy freak on, and the guy always hops off the girl and runs away. No fuss, and certainly no joined at the business end issues.

Well, that perceptional all changed for me yesterday as we were waiting to turn onto Hosur road. Suddenly I saw two dogs struggling. They were facing opposite directions, and both were yanking like they were in some tug of war. I was dumbfounded at what they were doing, messing about like that in traffic, when my maid started giggling uncontrollably. Then my husband says, "There you have it! They're stuck!"

Oh. My. God. It is true! They were stuck together and could not, for the life of them, get themselves apart!

All I have to say is.... YIKES. And I hope they got themselves sorted out before that bitch's mom came around and figured out what she was up to! :)

My farewell ode to India

2008-01-04T03:42:00.000-05:00

So yes, the rumors are true. We're leaving India. Very soon, infact. A matter of weeks.

It has all happened faster than we really intended. I thought we might be here longer. But visas were gotten more quickly than ever thought, and my husband needs to get on with his career. I desperately want to get back to work. But moreso it is an issue of my husband needing to get on with his residency, and that is really much more of an ordeal in India.

We always knew we would go back, but I really did everything I could to make India my true home while I was here. I did not spend my time with American or European expats talking about home and griping about India. As a matter of fact, I really don't know any expats. But anyway, I made my way through my time here as basically any Indian would. I found the most economical places to shop because I was not on some big, imported salary. I spent time with my husband's family. I made some amazing friends whom I will carry with me, even when we're separated by worlds. And I started to dig into a culture that was once a mystery to me.

In some ways it is an even bigger mystery to me than when I started.

But now I can get through crowds without being jostled more than the desis. I know where to get the best vegetables in the area. I can make aloo palya better than my indian-born cook. I can navigate the minefield of a typical conversation with almost any auntie and in the end we're all smiling because I managed to not divulge too many private things unintentionally, but she comes away thinking she got all the best dirt. I can wear a salwar kameez without looking like a circus freak, and a saree without falling on my face and unraveling the whole lot. And the crowning glory is that I can use a squat loo, even on a moving train.

So what will I miss about India? The list is long and varied. I will give some of the highlights.

1. First is the amazing, rich, fertile sense of history in the people, architecture, languages, surroundings. You can see it etched into people's faces. There is a pride here that I have seen glimpses of in other places, but nowhere does it shine through like in India. People here bounce back. I will not romanticize poverty, because it is crippling, yes. But there is a will to live and thrive and succeed that reaches epic proportions in this country. It should be celebrated.

2. The trees that arch over the oldest streets and carpet the pockmarked roads with beautiful flowers. Magical petals of crimson and orange and violet and magenta all swirling underfoot.

3. Darshinis. Oh how I will miss the masala dosas, the rava masala dosas, the idlis, the filter coffee, the vadas. Bajjis. All at outrageously cheap prices! Yes, the chutney might be crap or it might be fabulous. Yes, you might get a half chili in your vada which burns your palate for the next 5 mintues. Or your dosa might be roasted to hell and dripping with ghee. But admit it, it still tastes damn good doesn't it?

4. It is IMPOSSIBLE to be visually bored in India. You can be overwhelmed, disgusted, enthralled, confused, or any number of things. But your eyes will never lack things to take in and ponder here.

5. Colors. In any other country I would never wear an outfit with lime green and orange together. Magenta and electric blue. Orange and pink. Oh the color combinations. So cheerful! So unabashed! When I am back to my world of blacks, petal pinks and subdued florals I will undoubtedly pull out my desi-wear and yearn for a time to wear it again.

6. The monkeys. Yes, laugh at the firang if you must, but I love animals. So the arrival of the monkeys on my balcony is something that still makes me shriek with joy even after all this time. I have named the troupe that comes by our house, and they seem to know me too. I feed them ground nuts out of my hand... the youngsters anyway. Not regularly enough so they rely on me for food though. I will really miss old Mr. One Eye.

7. The neighborhood dogs. Hilarious prankster Jingo and his brother, mom and dad. Rani, Patches, Mr. Pointy. And the feral cat Mr. Scruffy who used to live under our car. Now he's gone on holiday. I do hope someone else tracks his whereabouts.

8. The calls of the wallahs on the street. Begins here in my neighborhood with "so-POY!" (soppu, which means greens) at 7 am sharp and continues with the general vegetable carts, the ubiquitous paper man, the tender coconut juice wallah, the fish guy, the boys with houseplants, and so on. I will miss the convenience of knowing that if I can drag my ass out of bed I can get amazing produce at my very doorstep.

9. The daunting complexity of getting one simple thing done. Yes, it is a unmitigated pain in the ass. But it provides for riotous stories. And you meet unforgettable characters. Never a dull moment, even when you're just going to get a gas cylinder.

10. The fact that people here surprise me every day. Just yesterday I went into a shop and looked at baby clothes. We haggled on price and he refused to budge cause I guess he figured I am a foreigner with more money than the locals. I tell him I only have 500 rupees in my pocket. He tells me to bring the 50 rupees he refuses to budge on back to him later. I tell him I have no idea when I will be this side again. He seems very unconcerned and packs up the baby dresses and wishes me a fond farewell. He is genuinely and frankly surprised when my husband brings him the 50 rupees 20 minutes later.

OK, so that is the list. I am not saying there are not other things. Clearly I will miss my friends terribly. I will not call you all out by name, as that would fill a book and in the end reduce me to some weepy and even more senti puddle. But all of you should know that you each played a very important role in my life here, and I am forever changed by you.

I am forever changed by India.

Jai Bharat!

crazy crazy kia re!

2008-01-03T23:55:00.000-05:00

थिस इस तोताल्ली इंसाने!
सीन्स इ कान्नोत रीड हिन्दी इ हवे नो आईडिया इफ थे ट्रांस्लितेरेशन इस कोर्रेक्ट।

होली सहित!

OK, well I was just trying out the new Hindi transliteration feature. Not sure what I did, since my Hindi is limited to:
"Kit Kat खा Happy हो जा!"
आलू गोबी
(and other food items)

and a bunch of swear words I cannot repeat!

HAPPY NEW YEAR

2007-12-31T06:46:00.000-05:00

You know, I could do the traditional "highlights of 2007" post.

But I am not going to.

I am going to bid farewell to 2007 quietly. In a few days I will write a more solemn post that covers not only my goodbye to 2007, but also my bittersweet goodbye to India.

I am not sure that I will carry on this blog after we leave in March. I won't be a firang squirrel anymore. I will be a repatriated one. I might go back to the smallsquirrel address that I have abandoned for these almost 2 years. Who knows. But anyway, I have a lot to say about my stay here and how it has shaped and changed me. So stay tuned.

In the meantime.... felice anno nuovo! Hope 2008 brings you joy and lots of whatever makes you happy.

T@TAL f**cking disappointment

2007-12-28T08:04:00.000-05:00

So I have been wanting to go to T@tal near my house... this new shopping complex on Madiwala Rd. Seemed nice from the outside. And it houses Donut Baker, so hey!

It, in a word, SUCKS ASS. OK, that is two words.
SHADDUP.
(that is one word)

So we walked around. There are like 3 restaurants in the food court and they all look hellacious. I spied the "City Deli" on the ground floor and decided that since I have not had a decent sandwich since coming to India, that I would hedge my bets. BAD IDEA, yaar.

I don't know where to start. Suffice it to say that 3 of us had sandwiches there are one was worse than the next. Shitty meat, stale bread, incongruous ingredients. Horrific. I would have been so much happier with a nice rava dosa at a darshini.

Also, the hypermarket there is kinda assy too. The home stuff is kinda alright although everything kind of smelled like fish. The clothes were cheap and scary. I saw a purple and white men's kurta that made my maid laugh hysterically and I dared my husband to buy it, but he refused. I did get a couple of nice Kannada DVDs for the baby (nursery rhymes, etc.) but that was the highlight. The grocery part was alright, although sorely lacking in fresh fruits/veggies and the meat/fish section smelled like something incredibly wrong happened in there... like 3 months ago. Really foul. And they have those big wooden chopping blocks that I find frighteningly unhygenic.

Anyway, all in all I would give it a miss. Not even Donut Baker can make that place alright.
So sad. So very sad.

As they say in India...

2007-12-24T12:18:00.000-05:00

Happy Merry Christmas !!!

(and in case I get really lazy, a very wonderful new year as well.)

Later I will regale you with tales of Christmas shopping in 2 hours whilst trying to keep all of Bangalore from touching the baby (I was only partially successful on both counts).

Also to come: the story of the baby's one day escapade as a child model. Stay tuned to see the baby monkey in advertisements India-wide!

You know you've been India too long when...

2007-12-16T11:53:00.000-05:00

OK, so I remember being in the US and watching Bollywood movies. I never saw the appeal of most of the leading men. I do think John Abraham is sexy, but the man seriously cannot act to save his life. The "Big B" can certainly act, but to me the man is not sexy. At all. Not remotely. His son is hot at times, then other times I think he's not. I find Salman Khan REPULSIVE and frankly frightening. Hrithik Roshan is just not my type, but I suppose I can see the appeal. He can surely dance. And Akshay Kumar gives me, as we used to say in grade school, a case of DS (dork syndrome).

And then we get to the last name on the list. Well, he's top of the pile, but the only name I have not mentioned.

This is someone who I used to look at and say "I just don't see it." Well, usually it was more like "OH MY GOD, look at that NOSE!" or "Seriously? He's not even on the radar. There must be some kind of mistake. Ew."

Then it happened. I was ragging on him for too long. Karma got the best of me. And today, folks, I am forced to admit it.

I think I have a girly crush on Shah Rukh Khan.

Maybe I have listened to Ajab Si from the OSO soundtrack one too many times... but I kinda see the appeal now. Yes, he has a big nose. And I know, he is not conventionally hot. But I had a lot of free time last week and I saw a bunch of his old movies, and awwwwwwwww! And although I think he really did one too many set of ab crunches for that role in OSO, hmmm...

OK, I have to go now.
la la la la la
aankhon mein teri
ajab si ajab si adayein hai

la lalalalallala
SIGH.

(it's not helping that I find that damned song so swoony)

Judge Not Lest Ye Be... Me

2007-12-07T05:27:00.000-05:00

OK, So I got tagged by Aqua. The deal is that I have to talk about the things that I am judgmental about. I fear this might be a long list. I try to be an open-minded girl. Really, I do. And though I try, sometimes... a lot of times... I fail miserably. Why is that? Dunno. Part of it is that I have high standards for myself, so I figure that the rest of the world could put in a good effort instead of calling it in. But I digress.

Here it is... the things that the Squirrel is judgmental about:

1. People that get all their information from TV/books/the internet about a given subject then think they have the whole story. What do I mean? Well, for example.... many people think they can judge the US by what they see on the news or on Zee Cafe or what they read on peoples' blogs. And then they say "Well the US is like X." When I try to explain that their perception is not accurate, I get a bunch of shit back. It makes me mental. I usually dismiss that person immediately. It's one thing to have an opinion that differs from mine *if* it is an informed one. It's another to go off half-cocked cause you think you can learn about a culture from watching The OC.

2. People that hate animals. I cannot trust them. It's alright, I suppose, not to like a particular animal, but a general dislike of animals is strange to me.

3. People that are homophobes. I cannot be in the same room a homophobe, and in the end I will provoke them to no end. I basically think that if you are wildly homophobic that probably you are closeted and need a real life lesson.

4. People that think they know what good Italian food is but have only eaten at Olive Garden or some such shit hole. Sorry, people. Good italian food is much more complex than overcooked spaghetti and some crappy sweet red sauce. Don't get me started.

5. People that use big words all the time. It's so pretentious. Usually it makes me think you have a massive inferiority complex. We all have access to a thesaurus, but I should not need one to have a conversation with you.

6. People who are constantly late. The message there is "my time is much more valuable than yours." And really, I am not interested in excuses about cultural implications and acceptance, etc. I think lateness is rude no matter what culture you're in. And it is very, very self-centered.

7. People who let their children run riot in public places. Really. What in hell are you thinking? The world is NOT your babysitter! Why, when I am in a restaurant, should I be plagued by your child who is tripping up the waiters and pulling on my arm when I am trying to enjoy a meal out? Yes, I do have a child, and yeah... my child will NOT be doing that kind of thing unchecked. Do I expect your child to be perfect? No, it's a child. But I do expect that when your child does kick the hell out of the back of my seat on the airplane that you tell them "Jimmy, it's not nice to do that...." rather than let it go on and on and on. If you did not want to be a parent, you should not have had kids. It's not all ice cream and butterflies, and children who are not given boundaries grow into adults that have no clue how to behave. Ditto for parents who are afraid to discipline their kids because they are too busy trying to be their best friend. And triple marks for parents who let their children dress like whores/rockstars at age 12. AGE APPROPRIATE CLOTHING, PEOPLE.

8. People with no social graces. If you see a pregnant woman standing, get off your ass and let her sit down. If there is an old person, hold the door open for them. If someone is struggling with something, give them a hand. I think that people who refuse to help others are the worst kind of narcissists. And basically when I see that I lose all my social graces and become yelly. Don't believe me? Ask the dude who pretended not to see me at 6 months pregnant standing for 45 minutes in a packed airport lounge and dashed to steal the last vacant seat. I think no one expects that kind of language from a mother-to-be, but he got it!

OK, I think that's enough for one post. I am a big fan of the rant, but I don't want to come off like some anti-social monster.

Too late, eh?

Right, have to tag someone....

Deepti
Sujatha

consider yourselves tagged

we are experiencing technical difficulties, please stand by

2007-11-29T08:39:00.000-05:00

yeah, so my computer is fucked and we're using some loaner.. the damned thing got into some ugly reboot loop. and it all happened just when we really needed it to not act up.. that always happens, right? my husband is taking the US Medical Licensing Exams in less than a week and he needs the system to watch study DVDs.

anyway, it's kind of sorted now... but not entirely.

all this is to say that for the next week or so I won't be online too much cause he needs the computer. and I don't have a lot to say right now cause I am exhausted and cranky.

I won't be going home for christmas this year, and I am a bit depressed about it.

(you can start playing the teensy violins now, yaar)

The Mothership Has Landed

2007-11-15T08:09:00.000-05:00

OK, so I was surfing today... and went from Sujatha's blog to Bikerdude's and I read something interesting. Bikerdude did a post mentioning in passing that a new donut shop opened in Bangalore. (by the way, for anyone living in Bengaluru... his blog is damned funny)

I was suspicious. I mean, have you had the donuts in India? Take Cafe Coffee Day for example... Gross! Cold and covered in shit! Barista.... greasy and dry at once. Sweet Chariot... disgusting and tastes like fish.

But I did some digging and this is what I found.

OH MY GOD, actual donuts have arrived in Bangalore and I have been unawares for almost a month! How can this have happened? How can I get there IMMEDIATELY?

And if you go to the "products menu page" it is like food porn.

Thank god this place did not move in while I was pregnant. I had a hard enough time managing the gestational diabetes without being tempted by delicious donuts.

Well, people... if you ever needed proof that God exists, now you have it. God brought real donuts to Bangalore.

(yes, I know I know I am counting my chickens before they have hatched. But they HAVE to taste good, right? Please? Yes?)

What the f*** is wrong with people- redux

2007-11-07T02:19:00.000-05:00

So just last weekend in Orissa four men saw a 27 year old woman at the Sun temple in Konark with her uncle. When she got back on the tourist bus to go home, they followed her, stopped the bus and dragged her out. They took her to a cashew plantation and gang raped her, then put her on another bus home, apparently unconscious.

NONE OF THE PEOPLE ON THE FIRST BUS DID A GODDAMNED THING TO HELP THIS GIRL.

With the exception of her elderly uncle, not one person tried to stop these thugs. There were 60 people on the bus and only 2 of the thugs came on to drag her out. On top of that, after she was dragged out no one reported the crime. Neither the driver nor the conductor even bothered to report an incident. It was only because someone witnessed the girl being hauled away by four men that they were caught.

What the fuck is going on in this country? This is like the third instance I have heard of recently where a woman has been forcibly removed from a bus by goondas and no one does a thing to stop it. I find it horrifying. Yes, I do understand that people are afraid of retribution, but 60 people up against 2 is hardly a struggle even if you take women and the elderly out of the equation. You would need only like 6 strong men and the job is done.

What is more disturbing is that this is a nation that riots for all kinds of other reasons. Get caught stealing and you'll get your ass dragged behind a motorcycle by a policeman. Hit a child with a car and an angry mob will pull you from your vehicle and beat you to death in under a minute. But stop a gang rape? Apparently that is unjustified.

In happier news:
Go HERE and help donate rice through the UN. This game is addictive and you learn while you help!

2007-10-29T00:12:00.000-04:00

BOSTON RED SOX

world champions 2007

that's right!
(eat it, yankees....)

@#&@(#*&$#)(@#&@)

2007-10-25T08:25:00.000-04:00

THE BUMBO HAS BEEN RECALLED

shit.

apparently, despite warnings on the package telling parents not to use the Bumbo on raised surfaces, people put their babies on tables and such. and apparently the babies fell out and suffered brain damage. so today the US Consumer Product Safety Commission has recalled Bumbo until the warnings on the package are made more explicit.

hmmmm......

bumbos and beefsteak

2007-10-23T11:07:00.000-04:00

so YEAH! I just ordered Anju a Bumbo.

If you are a parent of an infant/small toddler and do not know what a Bumbo is, you are missing out! I started hearing about this magic chair from friends who have babies when I got pregnant. It is this great little molded chair that your baby can sit in as soon as she can hold her head up. it's great for kids with gastro-esophageal reflux, especially... but it's great for inquisitive babies who otherwise need to choose between "tummy time" and being flat on their back. It is endorsed by pediatricians and the like, so...

We ordered this in lime green!

I won't tell you what the shipping charges were to India (not pretty)... but I am sure it will be worth it. They also have trays that you can get that go with the Bumbo now, so that is very handy. I am too excited!

I am also excited about this new(ish) restaurant that opened just near our house called Via Milano. The chef is from Italy, and so finally there is some amazingly authentic Italian food here in Bangalore. Yes, Fiorano and Herbs and Spice do a good job. But this is a step up. First of all the atmosphere is great... very chic loungy, with couches next to picture windows that you can eat at. But aside from decor, the chef Paolo delivers true Italian cooking at incredibly reasonable prices. And the service is impeccable.

What do I recommend there? Well, first of all the polenta is wonderful... creamy and thick, rich with butter and sharp parmeggiano cheese. I have also had many of the pastas, which were also fabulous. I am not a huge fan of ravioli, but the spinach and ricotta ones were light and fluffy but still had a satisfying flavor. For starters there is a salad with goat cheese that made me smile, and another with prawns and avocado. Both are lovely, but once my prawns were terribly overcooked.

But this weekend I tried the steak. Oh. My. God.
Heaven.

It had a lovely red wine reduction sauce touched with ginger. It was moist and soft and buttery (not literally, I mean the texture of the meat). It was one of the best steaks I have had period, never mind in India.

For dessert try the semifreddo.

Living in Bangalore and sick of Indianized Italian cuisine? Please, don't bother with the likes of Little Italy or Casa Piccola. Get your culo to Via Milano and I promise you'll be happy.

Hrmph. Blah..... WAIL!

2007-10-08T13:48:00.000-04:00

I have seasonal affective disorder.

Not in the typical sense. I am surely getting enough sunlight even though it's the monsoon season here. That's not what I mean. What I mean to say is that the effing lack of seasons here is giving me an affective disorder.

Am I joking? Well, not really.

Many people would argue that there are seasons here in Bangalore, but I have yet to see much of a range. I am going on my second year of weather ranging from blazing hot and humid to not-as-hot but still incredibly damned humid. I am desperate for some nice crisp fall air. The air here is so... thick. Sometimes I feel like I need extra energy just to breathe it.

I want to go pick apples and look at little kids gearing up with utter glee for Halloween. I want pumpkin flavored EVERYTHING... muffins, soup, ice cream, bread, donuts, coffee. I want to watch the leaves go from green to yellow to crimson and orange and blanket the ground. I want to leave the house for work one morning and realize that it's time to put away the open toed shoes and short skirts and bring out my winter wardrobe.

Mmmmm... fuzzy sweaters and lovely knee-high boots and brightly-colored scarves.

Instead it's just another season of kurtas and jeans and sandals. It's my uniform here. No thick socks, no new fall footwear, no search for the perfect new winter coat. No change in makeup to scrumptious fall colors.

Oh don't bother telling me it's not so bad. Either you've never lived a lifetime with four seasons, or you've never gone long without them. For me, it is how I know time is passing. Without them, it all seems like one long, straight road. I cannot think of something that happened and immediately know what time of year it was by remembering the weather or what I was wearing.

So, when did I last get my hair cut? Well I was wearing jeans and some flip flops. Hmmm, could have been last week or could have been 14 months ago. Who knows.

Can someone get me to somewhere with seasons already?

that's really not what Tupperware had in mind, folks...

2007-09-20T07:04:00.000-04:00

So today was my last follow-up appointment with the OB after the baby was born. I really do like my obstetrician, so I will be sad not to see her anymore. For anyone looking for a great OB/GYN, I highly recommend Dr. Meena Muthiah at Manipal Hospital.

OK, that being said, something very... well, odd and gross happened at the hospital today. We got to the OB department and we're waiting for my appointment. They take me into this back room to get my blood pressure, and it's not a room I have ever been in before for my other visits. So the nurse takes my BP and tells me to be seated next to my husband and baby on a row of chairs. Opposite to the chairs is a glass cabinet, and I don't take much notice of it for a while.

Then boredom sets in and I start looking around. And inside the cabinet I see lots of containers filled with things. Oh, they are specimens! So I get up to go over and take a look, and I realize I am looking at fetuses. Some look relatively normal and others are obviously and sadly deformed. Now, I can handle this kind of thing. And thankfully this happened AFTER the birth of my perfectly healthy baby. But what if I was a particularly sensitive or nervous mother-to-be? Those fetuses would have scared the shit out of me. Especially the ones with the severe defects. And for anyone, the sight of a fully-formed fetus lying perfectly still in a glass jar is disturbing. It makes you think concretely about life and death and the very thin line we all walk.

But this wasn't even the worst part of it. Some of the fetuses were not in proper specimen containers. I was shocked to see that a few of the fetuses were in... tupperware. Right, food storage containers. Yep. Gross. And on one of them, the lid was open! And some were in other kinds of containers that had clearly been repurposed as well. I just just imagine the conversation now:

Done with your Horlicks? Can I have the bottle? Oh, you don't wanna know why.

What is with that? Does that department not have enough money to buy proper containers? Eeeeeeeeeck. Disgusting.

It's like that only

2007-09-19T06:16:00.000-04:00

So hmmm... yeah, no post for a long time. I don't have much to write about! My life goes something like this:

I wake up around 11 when my husband gets ready to go to classes and I have to get up to tend to the baby. I walk around in a stupor and watch the baby, feeding her, making bottles, etc. until my husband gets home at around 7. Then I take a little time to do whatever... take a bath, return emails, eat dinner. Then at midnight it's my turn again, and usually that means sitting up with her until at least 3 watching TV or trying to make her laugh. At 7 AM I wake up daddy, hit the sack, and the cycle begins again. I would like to take a walk, but by the time I have my act together, the afternoon rains have started.

I try to stay away from the TV during the day. Why? Well because here the same shows that were on during the day repeat at night, and I need something to stop me from passing straight out when the baby won't sleep for most of the night. So while I like Scrubs and House and CSI, I do not want to watch the same episode 20 times. I wish these channels would buy more programming.

Anyway, I went out to brunch with a friend this weekend. It was nirvana. An afternoon out of the house, adult conversation, a cocktail! I realized halfway through the meal that I was hardly making any sense when I was talking. Too exhausted to be coherent, I could not stay on any one topic. My poor friend kept up with me, but I am sure she is wondering what's wrong with me.

What's worse I think I am becoming one of "those" parents. I find myself sending pictures of the baby to people who haven't asked to see them. I remember I used to wonder what people were thinking when they did that... why would I need to see 14 pics of someone else's child, all looking (to me) like very similar pictures? OK, so little Suzie is holding the stuffed bear in this one, but not in that one. But really.?.

NOW. I. AM. THAT. WOMAN!

I also used to be a woman who was obsessive about her hair, makeup, clothing... manicure, pedicure... matching jewelry. I was almost always pretty well put together, even for a trip to the grocery store. Now it is a big deal if I make it out of a t-shirt and cotton pyjama pants. And I have not cut my hair in more months than I care to confess. And when you're in that state, who is worries about makeup or earrings? Right.

Oh, and let's not talk about my feet. Please.

But then I see that little face. Hee. She's learned to laugh recently. Suddenly I don't care quite so much that I haven't brushed my hair yet today, and oh.... that's baby vomit stuck all in it. She's laughing!

Desperately Seeking Sleep

2007-09-01T06:14:00.000-04:00

OK so the baby is just over a month old. She is, if I do say so myself, gorgeous...
See?

There is only one problem with her. She doesn't seem to want to sleep. She takes little cat naps during the day, and then from about 11 PM onwards she is up. But not just awake and cooing and making precious faces... oh no, she is kicking and punching and screaming like a banshee! There is no calming her, no placating her, no bargaining with her... and it doesn't matter if you feed, rock, cuddle, swing, swaddle, tickle, distract, change or mollify her...she still screams. I am sure the neighbors think we are negligent parents. Neither my husband nor I have had a decent day's OR night's sleep in ages, and we're starting to become zombies. And lucky me, I got a cold and an upper respiratory infection in the past couple days and am living in fear I am going to give it to the baby. Let me add that it's sooooo easy to take care of a squirming, screaming infant with snot running down your face.

It was my birthday earlier this week. My husband and I went out for a quick dinner while my parents, who were here for a visit, babysat. I am not sure how much either of us enjoyed it, as we were both on the verge of falling asleep in our su mai. To make matters worse I had a drink, which made me lethally tired, and by the time dessert came I was having an out of body experience.

Someone please tell me this parenting thing eventually gets a little easier.
Lie to me if you have to...

ps.. thanks to everyone who has left sweet comments. I will try to respond to them soon... but the crying... oh the crying....

Funny Misquote of the Day

2007-08-13T10:36:00.000-04:00

"It doesn't matter what's the culture or what's the food, all people taste the same..."

(Why thank you Mr. Polar Bear!)

--as heard on "I Do, Let's Eat"

Could it be?

2007-08-13T09:37:00.000-04:00

The front page of the Washington Post today says that Karl Rove is stepping down as Deputy Chief of Underhanded and Satanic Strategy , um.... I mean Staff... as of August 31.

Well, I guess better now than never, but the damage is done. Not like him leaving now is gonna make a huge difference. I guess I am just happy I don't have to look at that smug grin anymore.

He scares me.

less worry, more sleepy please!

2007-08-09T06:04:00.000-04:00

Was watching Scrubs at 4 AM while baby Anjali fussed, and it was the episode where they had Colin Hay singing one of my favorite songs, Overkill. As I quietly sang along to calm Anju, I realized the lyrics were kinda fitting:

I can't get to sleep
I think about the implications
of diving in too deep
And possibly the complications

Especially at night
I worry over situations
I know will be alright
It's just overkill

Anyway, for something written about angst, it really is actually a very pretty song. It put Anjali to sleep. Well, for 10 minutes, anyway.

Quick Update

2007-07-29T14:20:00.000-04:00

Anjali was born on Tuesday.
She is doing fine, but her mom and dad both need naps

Time to goooooooo!

2007-07-23T05:31:00.000-04:00

So, OK peeps... it might be a while until I post again. Not sure when I will get the time, although I would imagine that I will fit in a couple quick lines here and there to try to keep everyone updated.

Wish me luck! I am, truth be told, TERRIFIED.
Aiyo.

BABY?!?!?!?
Coming now?

Oh shit.

The Icing on the Shit Cake

2007-07-21T06:03:00.000-04:00

So we have a lot to do right now, my husband and I. And neither of us are feeling particularly well. He is supposed to be studying for his US Medical Licensing exams but since I am borderline useless, he's also had to take over nearly all of the household chores. Yes, we have domestic help, but as you'll soon find out, that is often more trouble than it is worth.

Today I was passed out when the cook arrived. Usually she doesn't come on Saturdays, but since she screwed us over this week by calling at 7 AM on Wednesday and saying she could not come for the next 2 days because she had to take her daughter out of town for some exam, she was coming to make up for some lost time. Oh, did I mention that she left us with no groceries when she left town? Right. But she came yesterday and made some nice food and since we're like 2 days from the baby coming and she is supposed to also help us with the baby... I figured this time we'll go easy on her. We just don't have the time to find someone else

So right, I was in bed when she came and my husband was busy running around trying to get some stuff done. By the time she finished cooking I was awake, and met her at the door on the way out so we could explain to her that the schedule for next week is up in the air, since I do not know how long I will be in the hospital.

She comes around the corner, and I notice she is holding some weird patterned handkerchief over her mouth. I thought "OK that is strange..." but went on telling my husband what to tell her. Well, when she went to respond she lowered the kerchief and I nearly started screaming right then. She had these pustules all over her upper lip and chin and was talking strangely. I looked at my husband wide-eyed and panicky, and he raised an eyebrow.

Just then she tells him she has had some problem since returning from out of town with her daughter and that she has these blisters on her lips and all inside her mouth, and she has a fever. She wants my husband to look at them and tell her what is wrong. He tells her that he thinks she needs to see her doctor, and she says she went in the AM and that he gave her something... but she wanted to ask just in case.

She walks out the door and I have a meltdown. This completely moronic stupid fuckwit of a woman has just spent 2 hours cooking for us with some communicable disease! So I ask my husband what it is, and he says "give me 10 minutes" and goes to look at his text books and the computer. I sit on the couch with my head in my hands, until I realize "fuck all, the woman is having a massive herpes outbreak".

I tell my husband, he confirms it (he's on the herpetic gingivostomatitis page when I walk in) and we both groan. I call my dad, and before I can get 2 sentences in my dad comes to the same conclusion. Which means only one thing...

EVERY MOTHERFU**ING THING IN THE KITCHEN THAT THIS STUPID COW OF A WOMAN HAS TOUCHED HAS TO BE EITHER THROWN OUT OR WASHED.

So as we speak my poor husband is in the kitchen throwing out all the spices she reached into, all the flour, the vegetables, etc. He also has to wipe down all the surfaces with disinfectant, and wash every utensil in the bins she reached into. Oh and then there is re-washing all the dishes. And finally he has to go back out and restock our ENTIRE KITCHEN.

He won't let me in there to help.

What is wrong with this woman. She knows I am 2 days away from delivering a baby. She knows she has a fever and blisters all over and inside her mouth. But she comes here anyway, and decides NOT to tell us she is sick and let us decide for ourselves if maybe, just maybe, what she has is serious or contagious. Then she proceeds to touch her mouth and my food and my kitchen, and she probably left that foul kerchief all over every surface in there. And she wants to help me take care of my baby? I don't fucking think so.

She is also employed by a friend of mine, so I had to call her and tell her "hey... happy Saturday... when you go home put on a godamned hazmat suit and throw your entire flat out the window, cause our stupid cook is dumber than a damned goat." She is also, clearly, not happy. But mostly she is more concerned for me.

My dad says that this particular type of virus is localized and will not go into the bloodstream, so the baby should be perfectly safe. But of course I am still worried. I also do not want me or my husband to contract this god-awful thing. I mean, even if I wasn't pregnant I would not have wanted this woman in my house touching everything in that condition.

Uuuuuuuuuuuugh. Tell me I am going to wake up and find out that this is just a sick trick of my rather vivid and overworked imagination. Otherwise, I am really through.

Induction Production.... (or how the squirrel knows when she is having her baby)

2007-07-17T08:14:00.000-04:00

OK, well... as weird as this announcement sounds, the baby is coming on the 23rd.

How do I know this? Well, I had a sonogram on Saturday, and it was obvious that the baby was... how shall I say this delicately... the baby is not petite. I am at 36 weeks and s/he is the size of a full-term, 40 week baby. So we went to the doctor yesterday and we all decided that given my ever-increasing blood sugar values (stupid effing borderline gestational diabetes. Thanks for nothing!) it would be best that I not go full term and end up with one of those 14 lb. babies that they report about on CNN.

So Monday I go in and they will try to induce me. And then we'll see if said megababy will fit out... um, you know, if s/he will come out "naturally." And if that doesn't look likely, I guess I will have to have a c-section. Which is not something I actively want. However, I actively do NOT want to have a 4th degree tear (as I typed that a shiver of fear and disgust just went down my spine like someone just told me I had to tongue kiss GWB or something).

The twist in the scenario is that my obstetrician who, up until this point has been great, has suddenly been flaking out on us in a big way. She has not submitted all her paperwork which will allow her to deliver my baby at the hospital I have chosen, and I am furious. She's known about this requirement for months on end now. What if I went into labor early? Would I have just been stuck with the duty doctor, who, poor soul would have been totally clueless about my condition if it were not for the fact that my husband and I (total neurotic maniacs that we both are) have kept our own original records with us? What would we have done then?!?!?! She has made a couple other smaller errors that also pissed me off, but the paperwork thing is a real doozie in my book.

I am more than half tempted to switch docs now and be done with it. I don't need this last minute worrying bullshit. I got enough to think about right now, yeah?

P.S. Brief update... OB completed all her paperwork, thank God. So that is done. Also... I go in Monday night, so officially the baby will probably be born on Tuesday AM. Thanks everyone for the well wishes! :)

The Religious Right is NOT Your Friend

2007-07-12T17:06:00.000-04:00

What a week for the religiously over-zealous. Why must they persist in being so incredulously intolerant and hateful? I mean, if Jesus can befriend the tax collector and the prostitute, can't these guys who are supposedly all about Christ be a little more tolerant of others?

The first genius move was from Pope Ratty. The man rubs me the wrong way anyway, but he really did it this week. He actually came out and said that Catholics are the only "true" Christians, because they are the only ones that believe in the Papacy. Um, what a self-aggrandizing fucker! And here all this time I thought that the basis of Christianity was the acceptance of Christ. Hunh. Anyway, I think it's sad. Even though I denounced Catholicism a very long time ago, I had respect for Pope John Paul. He went out of his way to heal rifts between Catholics and Protestants, and also between Christianity and other religions. I did not agree with the man's politics, but he wasn't busy purposefully trying to stir up a hornet's nest in a world that is rife with religious problems, unlike some other people I could name here.

And then we have the nutbags that interrupted a Hindu prayer at the beginning of a Senate hearing. They usually have a minister do they prayer, but this time a pujari was handling it... and 3 extremists interrupted by screaming that "there is only one true God" and started hurling the word "abomination" around. Whatever, people. Even if there IS only one true God, I think you've pretty much just pissed him/her off with your narrow-minded fanaticism. S/he is probably thinking "Wow, I must have been having a really bad day when I made those ass monkeys!" What's even weirder is that I doubt the pujari was up there calling on individual Hindu deities... I am sure he was just talking to God respectfully, which is something these tools could take a lesson from.

God is God, people... no matter what name you want to call him. And if you make him look like an asshole, he's not going to like it very much. You might want to keep that in mind when you're busy acting like a bunch of savages and using his name to justify it all.

The Squirrel Loses Her Coping Mechanisms

2007-07-08T09:58:00.000-04:00

OK, so for more than a year I was basically fine here. Some minor adjustment "bumps" on the road, but I was adjusting nicely to living in India. Because I was going out every day to work and other places, I had developed coping mechanisms that allowed me to tune out some of the things that would have otherwise made me nutty. Of course I had my moments, and there were some issues that I could not seem to get past... but mostly I was great.

Now that I am spending 90 percent of my time in the apartment, I seem to have decompensated. I have noticed that on most of the occasions when I have to go out, I act like a total wingnut. I do not know if it is pregnancy hormones at their ultimate worst combined with my now constant state of being radically uncomfortable, but yeah... I am not well with my surroundings outside the apartment.

Take today. I wanted to shoot every driver on the road for their incompetence. It seemed like they all ate stoopid for breakfast and wandered outside to chew their cud. We get to the hospital and on my way up to the maternity ward for the test I needed, some jackhole slammed right into my enormous belly while looking me right in the face. I wanted to push him down an elevator shaft.

And don't get me started about the nurses. Thank all the Gods that I am not delivering at this shithole of a hospital, which does not even provide soap in the loo. Despite both me and my husband telling them that I cannot lie on my back for more than 3-4 minutes, they stick me flat on my back for the fetal non-stress test and tell me to be still for 20 mins. I eventually get horrendous muscle spasms and have to ask for an emesis basin, because the heat of the room and my terrible pain are making me gag. The nurse gets all pissy that we have to interrupt the test, and they put me in another bed which is not much better. They start the test again and kick my husband out of the room, and I am left there alone. Within 3 minutes I am in unbearable pain again, and all the attending says to me is "10 minutes left" while I am grimacing in pain, tears streaming down my face and practicing the lamaze breathing technique reserved for when you're actually pushing the baby out. No words of comfort, no effort to let me lie in a more comfortable position... just a time check.

I am losing it. Maybe it is cabin fever. Maybe it is hormones, but I am seriously LOSING IT.

UNMITIGATED @#(@)#@)(&#(@_@#)*!!!

2007-07-03T02:14:00.000-04:00

President Bush commuted the sentence of Scooter Libby.
I cannot believe he had the.... words escape me to describe this action...

the gall? the arrogance? the massive disrespect for the judicial system? to actually do something like that.

I do not know why I am surprised. The man is a bastard. But I did not even consider that he could do something so outrageous! He effing appointed the judge who handed down the ruling! What the fuck is his point?

Well congrats, Mr. President. You've really done it this time. Now what separates our government from the absolute joke governments of completely corrupt nations? That's right. Nothing.

Just in case you needed more evidence...

2007-06-29T17:54:00.000-04:00

Mit Romney is a fucking tool... read about it here

And can someone PLEASE shut Ann Coulter the hell up? Does she have no limits? I have never in my life heard someone come out with such inappropriate shit time and time again. It's not even hyperbole, it's just offensive shit. The woman is useless. She calls John Edwards a faggot (inexcusable), then says she wishes he was killed in a terrorist attack. What the fuck kind of political discourse is that? I hate her more than I hate Michelle Malkin. Ack.

They should both be sent to the frontlines in Iraq, maybe then they would both SHUT UP!

Eight Random Facts

2007-06-28T04:25:00.000-04:00

I have been tagged by the lovely Jawahara, whom I met on DesiCritics. You should scuttle over and visit her blog... she's very intelligent and interesting. And oh yeah, I think I have forgotten to mention that I write on DC now, too.

Everything slips my mind nowadays. Sheesh.

OK, by demand. Here's the eight random facts about the squirrel:

1. There are certain words I despise. Just by the sound. It's not the meaning so much, it is the actual sound of the word. These words include sauce, panties, and musty. And you wonder why I became a linguist?

2. I freak out if anyone sits on my bed in clothes they have worn outside. I feel like outside germs belong, well, not in my bed! It is my sanctuary. This phobia has only worsened since I moved to India. And yes, I should probably put my bed in a bubble.

3. I love baseball. And over and above that, I love the Boston Red Sox. I will defend them whether they deserve it or not. And while I do not find any other professional sport all that interesting, I could easily watch baseball for hours on end. Just make sure to keep the hot dogs and various beverages coming. Oh, which leads me to....

4. I hate beer. Yes, there, I have admitted it. I never developed a taste for it despite trying for years and years. I have had it all over the world, and the closest I came to almost enjoying one was in Belgium. But yeah, hate beer. Love cocktails.

5. I am both a food snob and a bottom-feeder. I will not eat at Olive Garden or Chi Chi's or Applebee's. I will not eat at most Italian restaurants outside Italy. I am snarky about many cuisines and yet I will eat a hot dog from a cart on the street in any major US city (but I am picky about them being Hebrew National dogs). I love Oreos. I love Drake's cakes. Sheet cake. Dunkin Donuts! I like McDonald's breakfasts. Explain that dichotomy.

6. I have a foul mouth. I can curse in like 8 languages, and I do it often. I guess I need to curb that particular problem before the baby learns to talk.

7. I have had about a gazillion major careers shifts. I am like a career "shape shifter." I got my Master's degree in linguistics and since then have worked as:

a policies & procedures/disaster recovery specialist for a financial institution
the managing editor of a magazine for a non-profit organization
writer/editor for drug recovery treatment improvement protocol manuals
various positions in IT, including quality assurance and technical writing
director of marketing and communications for a multinational start-up

8. When I was little my mom took me to the zoo. I was in my stroller. There was a monkey handler walking around with a juvenile chimp. The chimp took an interest in me and stole me out of the stroller and ran up a tree with me. The coaxed it back with snacks in a minute or so. But apparently I did not cry until I was given back to my mother. This little incident explains a lot about me and my life.

OK, well... there you have it. Eight random facts about the squirrel.

Of Birds and Boredom

2007-06-19T11:29:00.000-04:00

I am not sure there is anyone left out there reading this blog. I have been shite at writing entries for a while now.

I am now in my 8th month of pregnancy and all I want to do is sleep. Thank god I have stopped working, and I am just home now trying to ready the house for the baby. My wedding anniversary is this week and I haven't been able to think of what to do. I can barely leave the house, so I don't have a lot of options. Anyway, I suppose I shouldn't complain, right? I just don't have much to write about. My life is just a lot of worrying about what I can eat that won't make me feel sick, trying to get some sleep (have I mentioned that I cannot sleep at night?), and wondering why Star World repeats the same 3 shows over and over all week long.

A strange thing did happen to me. We have all kinds of birds that live in the area around our place. One night a couple months ago I was woken out of a sound sleep by a strange shrieking on the bedroom balcony. I slowly peeled back the curtain and looked out, and one of the local barn owls was perched on the railing. It swiveled its head around and stared right into my eyes and did not move. I whispered to my husband to wake up, and when he finally did and crept to the window, he arrived just in time to see a white blur as it flew away.

A few weeks later I was still in bed and my husband had gone to make tea. I heard a strange noise from the balcony and again went to the window. When I looked out, I found an enormous pariah kite staring back at me. For those of you not in India, kites are the local versions of eagles, and they are no small bird. This thing stared at me for a good 30 seconds and let out a wild cry, then flew off. I was left amazed, because these things never get that close to people.

This afternoon I was taking a nap. perfect nap day... overcast and cool. Then I hear some cawing on the balcony, so I look out and a massive crow is sitting there. I asked him what he was doing, and instead of flying away, he hops closer to the window on the railing. It freaked me out.

Anyone have any idea about why the local birds all seem to be coming to visit me? Not to be freaky, but they all seemed insistent on telling me something.

My pregnancy journey (aka, stand back or i'll puke)

2007-05-21T12:10:00.000-04:00

From about a week after I found out I was pregnant until this very day, my pregnancy has been fraught with issues. I will say up front that I am very, very thankful that nothing is seriously wrong with either myself or my baby. But pregnancy (for me) has not been the blissful, joyous time that many led me to believe I should expect.

I found out I was carrying about six weeks in. At seven weeks it started; the vomiting, the constant nausea, the loose motions. I was exhausted and my brain simply stopped working. And not too many weeks later I faced a strenuous trip back to the US for Christmas. I actually drove from Boston to Washington D.C. and back, and tried to keep a brave face. I was on the verge of vomiting at nearly every turn. The only person whom I shared my inner torment with was my husband.

Of course my family and close friends were thrilled. They kept telling me how amazing it was, and how blessed I am. I just wanted to sleep and stop feeling like a truck hit me. I appreciated all the sentiments, but it did not match how I felt inside. Scared, tired and sick. Which made me feel terrible. I felt like a bad mother because I did not feel the "one with the universe" bliss everyone was telling me I should be experiencing.

But I was told the end was in sight. Second trimester would bring relief. Right?

Wrong. Second trimester brought irrepressible acid reflux and not one but two bouts of gastro-intestinal infection, so bad they needed antibiotics to resolve. To make matters worse, three of my other close friends were also pregnant and having an easy time of it. I felt like a failure. Why wasn't I feeling better? Why wasn't I enjoying this more? There were so many doctor's appointments and nerve-frying tests. I was always worried that one would come back with earth-shattering news.

My first break came one night as I was lying in bed, unable to sleep because of lower back pain and nausea. Something strange fluttered in my stomach. I thought I was getting ready for another bout of vomiting. I sat up. It started again, but sharper. Hey, I thought, I have never felt THAT before. Then it hit me. I yelled and woke my husband. "I can feel the baby kicking!" I shouted with a massive grin. It was the first time I really had a positive connection to the baby and the pregnancy.

I have had a couple good weeks and some bad weeks since then. I think in the 28 weeks of pregnancy so far, I have felt good for about three of them. I am still battling acid reflux, back pain, leg cramps, exhaustion, and a host of other complaints. I had to take a trip to Delhi and got food poisoning. Recently I had to stay overnight in the hospital because my blood sugar went haywire and they suspected gestational diabetes. Luckily in the end we discovered I will more than likely be able to counter it with a low-carb diet and more exercise. So things have not gotten too much easier.

But I am starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I talk to my baby and tell him or her that I know s/he is not to blame for how I feel. I talk to my husband about how sick I am of feeling sick, and he makes me Horlicks (light) and holds my hand. And luckily I have friends that figured out what was going on and reassured me that I am not a terrible person for not really enjoying my pregnancy all that much. But I wonder how many women suffer like this, thinking badly of themselves?

Foods I Cannot Have

2007-04-24T09:17:00.000-04:00

.. and not because I am pregnant.

These are foods I want and cannot have because they simply do not exist in Bangalore. Or they do not exist in a form sufficient enough to fix the craving. Or they are particular to a specific restaurant in the US.

I think it should be against the Geneva Convention to separate a pregnant woman from access to foods that she craves. I am going MENTAL.

1. Large beef with mayo and lettuce at Nick's Roast Beef in Beverly, MA
2. Steak burrito with extra guacamole from Chipotle
3. Masa puffs from Oyamel in VA/DC
4. El Pollo Rico in Arlington, VA
5. Bacon, egg and cheese biscuits.
6. Mmmmmm... BISCUITS
7. Thomas' English Muffins
8. Cupcakes
9. A poppy seed or sesame seed bagel with cream cheese
10. Shitty sheet cake (no whipped cream icing, only buttercream will do!)
11. A proper milkshake. This should consist of mostly ice cream with just a little milk and some flavoring and should be so damned thick it won't go up the straw.
12. A smoked turkey sandwich with avocado
13. A Philly cheesesteak sandwich
14. A double cheeseburger with extra pickles from Five Guys in VA.
15. Roasted rabbit
16. Stuffed squash blossoms
17. Cheese grits
18. IHOP

OK, that is what I can think of easily in jut a couple minutes. I am dying for each and every one of these things.

The Squirrel Still Has It

2007-04-21T09:39:00.000-04:00

Yes, I might be almost 6 months pregnant... but I just caught myself dancing around my flat in my chaddi and a banian to George Michael's "Freedom 90"

(You know... "All we have to do now, is take these lies and make them true somehow..." If you were at all alive in the 90's you should know this song, and you should also be incapable of sitting still when hearing it.)

So step back. I am not a boring old momma just yet :)

here comes a biiiiig rant

2007-04-01T11:24:00.000-04:00

OK, I have to mention a few things that are frying my poor little brain. Some will sit well with you, and others might make you mad... but, whatever.

1. Newt Gingrich is a massive racist tool. Read about it here. If you are too lazy to read, what he says is that bilingual education is like teaching the language of the ghettos (slums). He is such a moron I cannot even find the strength to put together a cogent argument for the 500,000 reasons his statement is patently false. I am a linguist Newt, you are just a stupid philandering windbag. Which entitles me to say this: stop making ridiculous racist comments or switch parties and join the facists. Assmonkey. You DO NOT speak for the American people.

2. India needs to STOP FUCKING WHINING ABOUT THEIR CRICKET WORLD CUP LOSS. My god. Give it a rest already. Yes, I do realize that Indians take cricket seriously. Yes, I am too a sports person. I do love baseball and I will fight you in hand to hand combat, even while 5 months pregnant if you malign the Boston Red Sox. But for fuck's sake. Who goes to players' houses and tries to trash them because they are angry over a loss? WTF?!?!?!? This country has much more serious issues. The media is still harping on this, with expert panels and interviews and talking to people in the street. Christ. Firing the entire team is not the answer. It's a SPORT PEOPLE.. and wake up call, but sometimes you lose. This is not cause for national alarm. I think it might be time for a wee bit of perspective here.

3. Just because I am pregnant does NOT mean that you get to lecture me on what I am wearing, eating, drinking, or how I am sitting, standing or talking. My carrying a baby does not mean that my life is up for critique. If I want to eat a friggin Kit Kat, I am going to eat it. I am careful with my diet. So if you see me drinking Fanta at some point, do not assume that is a regular thing. My frigde is full of water, fruit juice, lassi and Rooh Afza. Likewise, if I want to eat a damned gluco-biscuit, leave me the hell alone. Do you know what it is like to be pregnant? I am still nauseated half the time. If those 3 biscuits keep the dal and palak and carrots down, then maybe you should keep your opinions to yourself. Do I mend helpful hints? No, of course not. But I do really find the constant opining by everyone around me like I am some mindless 5 year old. I am an adult, my husband is a physician, and we're perfectly capable of managing my pregnancy diet with the help of our obstetrician, the internet and 500 books.

Likewise, I am not wearing skin tight jeans or high heels. I am sorry if you feel I should wear looser pants instead of churidar, but really... they are my legs, and they're fine in what they are in. And if I want to sit strangely, please... keep in mind that the baby is taking up a lot of space and breathing gets a bit difficult. Not to mention that my back hurts.

Again, if you're been pregnant, helpful hints are always welcome. Otherwise, I am glad that your Annapoorna Auntie told you that pregnant women should NEVER EVER eat raw bananas or they will have a baby with 13 heads who worships satan, but.. well... hey... I am a firang. We're exempt.

hmmmmm...

2007-03-15T11:09:00.000-04:00

well just a post to let you all know I am alive.
fine, really...

frustrated as hell with work, and growing larger by the day
adjusting
thinking
worrying

really annoyed with work

so that is my update. my time is spent balancing my diet and working like a slave for the pharaoh.

wishing for improvement and having high hopes for the baby.
worrying about impending parenthood and living in awe that I will be responsible for one small helpless life.

that's about it.
nothing too important, eh?

I work with a bunch of @#&)@##ing pigs

2007-02-22T09:56:00.000-05:00

OK, so at my office there is one loo for about 25 people. Yes, that's right. One stinking hole in the wall loo for both men and women. And it's teensy.

Now that I am preggers, I have to spend more time than is desirable in said loo. Now, no one likes the bathroom per se, but it doesn't need to be a horrible experience. That is, unless you share it with the likes of my coworkers.

You know, I am used to going in there to find no toilet tissue. Likewise no hand towels. I am used to seeing a semi-flushed bowl. And I am sadly used to the fact that although these people have been raised using the um, let's call it the hygeine hose... that some of them seem to spray not only their private parts but also the walls, the waste bin, the entire toilet and flood the floor.

But today takes the cake. Today I go in there to find someone has friggin pissed all over the toilet seat, the floor, and somehow they managed to hit the wall. Yes, people, there was piss on the wall. So I walk out to the receptionist and I ask her who was in there before me. When she tells me who it was, I am not surprised to hear the name of one of the men who is very high up in the company. I have half a mind to burst in his cabin and ask him what the fuck is wrong with him, but instead I call the office boy and sheepishly ask him to please tidy up the room so I can go.

@$*&$@(&)@(*$#)*(@#&()&$)@(*$#)(@#*(@$)(@*$)_(*@$)(

Am off to Hyderabad tomorrow to see Prat. Thank god. I need a break!

PS... not everyone in my office is a pig. The girls are very clean. It's the men. They are gross.

Feelin Pukey

2007-02-15T05:13:00.000-05:00

Well, I shouldn't complain too much because thank God nothing has gone terribly wrong (knock wood). But since about my second week of pregnancy I have been horribly nauseated. I spent my time waiting, waiting, waiting for my second trimester to start because everyone said the nausea would stop. Well, here I am at 14 weeks and generally feeling pukier than ever! I am not nauseated *all* the time now, but at least before I never hurled. Now every morning and every evening (and on a few occasions in between) I am on the verge of vomiting every 10 minutes. Nothing seems to make it go... not gelusil, not milk, not ginger tea, not biscuits, not anything really.

It's a bummer because I have all these things I want to do before the baby comes. I wanted to get a little travel in especially. But it's so hard to plan to do anything when you feel like crap.

Oh well, again, I guess I should be happy that I am otherwise healthy and the baby (as far as we know) is also fine. Just please keep your fingers crossed that this godforsaken nausea GOES AWAY!

The other funny thing is that I actually look pregnant now. It's weird. I expect that since I am showing early and I am so short, I will be massive by the end. I am still fairly narrow, I am just sticking out in the front now. Too funny! It will soon be time to buy some serious maternity clothes. I couldn't get much when I was in the US cause it was winter, so nothing was temperature appropriate for the coming summer weather here. I got a few tops but that was about it. I have a few leads about where to look in Bangalore, and I will more than likely resort to getting some things stitched. Why not? I can always get them taken in after the baby comes!

child safety RANT (warning: this post contains judgmental material not suitable for oversentitive, defensive people)

2007-02-04T02:10:00.000-05:00

Look, I know this is not the US... but it is starting to seem to me that there is a serious lack of basic child safety knowledge here in India.

Yes, I know people do stupid shit around the world. Yes, I have seen terribly negligent parents in US, Europe, and other parts of Asia.

But what I have seen lately here in Bangalore seems to take the cake. Just this AM my husband and I were stopped at a traffic light on Intermediate Ring Road. Next to us is this guy with a small child on his lap. The boy was maybe 4 or 5 years old. What's wrong with this, you ask? THE CHILD WAS SITTING ON THE LAP OF THE DRIVER PLAYING WITH THE STEERING WHEEL AND PRETENDING TO DRIVE!!!

I don't even know where to begin with this. First of all who in the name of fuck-all thinks that having a child sitting on the lap of the driver, distracting him/her is a good (or fun) idea? Bangalore traffic is mind-blowingly horrific. Second, this child was old enough to create an error in steering with his "playing" and cause a serious accident. Third, if the car hits something that child will either be crushed against the steering wheel or thrown head-first through the windscreen... and either way will die a horrible death. And before you ask, no it wasn't just at the light... we observed them cluelessly driving off, child laughing and play-steering away!

You know, I am contantly appaled by the number of families I see on bikes in heavy traffic, moms riding pillion holding an infant. But I also understand that some people are too poor to afford cars or auto fare. So while I think it is wildly dangerous and I would never consider doing it myself, I do understand the conditions that create that situation.

But I do not understand families driving around in their shiny new Honda City or Innova or whatever, mom in the front seat holding the infant. Not even wearing a seatbelt. COME ON! There are car seats for sale all over Bangalore. Why is it that people do not use them? With the astounding rates of car wrecks in this city, why do parents think that everyone BUT them will have an accident? Why would you risk putting your child in such danger? You might as well feed them lead paint for breakfast and send them to go play in the middle of Hosur road at 9 AM on a Wednesday. That seems to be the risks that people are willing to take.

So what do I think people should do?

1. Buy a car seat for any child under the age of 4. Put them in it. Do not drive with them loose in the car. There are separate seats for infants. Despite what you think, it is not safe for the mother to simply hold an infant or child in the car. If there is any kind of forceful impact, the child will be dislodged from her grip and act like a projectile in the vehicle. The chances for survival in that case are low. Put the child in a properly restraining car seat (for his/her age) and that child has a great chance of being fine in the result of an accident.

2. If you have the money to take your child under the age of 10 in a vehicle that is not a bike, you should do that. Take an auto. Ask someone you know for a ride. Something. Anything. But what happens if someone nudges your bike and you fall down, or worse DROP your infant or child in traffic. If you cannot avoid taking a bike, for god's sake do not sit sideways. Please, sit on the bike with one leg on each side to balance yourself, and use both hands to hold the child. Otherwise what I see commonly is women riding "sidesaddle" holding the baby with one hand. How is that even close to safe? Then again, how would it be safe for her to not hold on and risk flying off the bike at any speed hump. You see the issues.

3. If you are walking with your child in the road, for the love of God, place yourself between the child and moving traffic. What do I mean? I see all the time, people walking with their kids and 1) they are not holding their child's hand... and 2) the child is directly in the path of traffic. We all know how brilliantly people drive in this city. Why would you assume that no one will run your child over?

(total lack of) bedside manner

2007-02-03T00:33:00.000-05:00

This week I have learned something interesting about the difference in healthcare between the US and India, and it has a lot to do with the doctors and how they interact with their patients.

I went to a specialist this week and had a very odd experience. Well, it was odd for me, but according to my (physician) husband, it was totally normal for India.

[small aside... yes, I am now prepared to concretely answer the swirling rumours. The squirrel is, in fact, going to have... umm.. what do you call a baby squirrel? oh screw it. I am pregnant, that is all you need to know, right? :) ]

So anyhow I went to this specialist ultrasound clinic to get a routine testing procedure done last week. I get there, and as usual for me now... I am sick sick sick. I go to the bathroom in the back, take care of business and come back. Then I have to go again. Just as I get back there, the receptionist (an old Kannadiga woman who could not figure out how one Indian and one firang were possibly married and expecting) comes banging on the door yelling at me to come out immediately... stop using the toilet... doctor wants to see me right now... stop it and come out!

I come out, she grabs me by the arm and pulls me back to the exam room where one very stern doctor sits. The first words out of her mouth are: "Who told you you could go to the bathroom?"

um, WHAT?

I nicely told her that I was sick and had loose motions and thought it would be wise for me to take care of that before the procedure. She again said to me in a very nasty tone "Who told you it was alright? If your bladder is empty we cannot do the procedure."

I told her that I was really sorry, but that first of all no one had told me that I needed a full bladder, and that secondly, I was sick. No way around it. But she scolded me again then told me to stop talking and lie down. As I went to lie down on the table, she started yelling at her assitant calling her "stupid and incompetant" because the girl had misspelled my name on the form. As I lay there, the doctor continued to yell at the girl as she prepared me for the procedure... then she had the nerve to scold me for not being relaxed!!!

Now in the US, I would have probably just sat up, thrown off the covers, and walked out. I would never stand for such nonsense in the US. I think I was so shocked by it here that I was immobilized, and next thing I knew she had called my husband in.

The procedure was going fine, then Doctor crabby-pants gets a phone call... which she TAKES as she is continuing with the ultrasound. I looked at my husband like "what the FUCK?" but he really did not seem fazed.

I will say this doctor was technically very good. She did everything more than thoroughly. She spent about 45 mintues with me and re-did every scan more than once. I am fully confident that she is an amazing doctor. But her bedside manner is utter shite. And strangely, when I spoke to my husband about it, he tells me that for the most part, doctors here are like that. They are trained to be like that, he says, because otherwise people are simply not compliant. But it seems to be one should probably wait for someone to be non-compliant before they start acting like a total asshole. Or maybe start with less intensity (just a thought)? This woman made Dr. House seem huggable! Also, if a doctor in the US must take a call during a procedure, they at least have the common courtesty to step out of the room. I found it shocking that she would sit there jabbering away while I am left lying there on the table.

Anyway, like I said, she was technically an excellent doctor. But I still cannot believe she thinks it is OK to treat patients in that way. Or that patients here think that is normal. Do you? Do Indians really think that is an acceptable way to be treated by their healthcare providers?

Yikes.

(also, I don't want any posts telling me that some doctors in the US are assholes, too. Yeah, I know it... am just relating my experiences and trying to see what others have gone thru here to see if there is really a cultural difference in the way doctors treat their patients in the two places...)

Just "inches" from true glory

2007-01-28T08:43:00.000-05:00

I was happy when Kishore and I stumbled across Cafe Inch on 100 ft. Road in Indiranagar a few months ago. The atmosphere inside is fairly hip and young, complete with bench swings inside, low tables with couches for lounging and outside, cafe-style seating. When we walked in they were in the midst of some kind of Mexican fest and much of the menu featured Mexican-inspired dishes. I had been craving fajitas, a burrito, enchiladas... something familiar, so I was understandably excited. When I dug into my fajitas I wasn't disappointed! The meat was tender, the tortillas were warm, and there was real sour cream! I just wished they had given me more guacamole to go with the dish.

Since then we're visited a couple more times, and I have noticed a trend. While the food at Cafe Inch is nothing to snicker about, the service there is truly laughable. There are usually 3-4 servers on shift at a time, and all look somewhat confused and less then enthu about being there. They are plesant enough, but nothing comes in a timely manner.

Take today. We ordered a starter of veg potato skins, I had a burger and my husband got veg chow mein. For drinks we asked for a bottle of water, one litchi soda and a cappuccino. About 10 minutes later, after I stared at the waiter taking one long and involved personal phone call, he brought the water. I had to stop him from walking away with the mostly full bottle as he returned to his call. 10 minutes later, out comes all the food at once... starter and all. We had to remind him about the drinks, and what he brings out doesn't nearly resemble what I had picked out under the heading of "Soda"... it was some frothly milk-based drink, that the waiter assured me was litchi soda. UGH.

The food was good, though. It's always good. My burger was delicious (and hey all you expats... they have BACON here, but be sure to tell them you want it well done, else you'll get something, well, undercooked) and my husband's chow mein was good. The potato skins are not exactly what we get at home, but they are tasty... so no complaints there. And they make a truly competent cup of coffee (it is, afterall, a coffee house).

The menu is varied. They have all kinds of things from pasta to sandwiches, to grilled chicken. There are plenty of intersting veg options, too. They do have breakfast offered on the menu, and it says it's served only until 11 AM. However, one Sunday when we tried to go for breakfast they were closed with no notice, and today when we went at about noon, other patrons were able to order the full English Breakfast. So if you're interested in that option, you might want to call ahead.

My advice to Cafe Inch? Retrain your waitstaff. You have a good thing going, but the service is abysmal. It's obvious by your menu you're aiming to attract foreigners and a semi-sophisticated crowd, but these are exactly the kind of people that are not going to put up with inattentive, spotty service. Not sure what to do? Give me a buzz, I would be more than happy to come on in and let you know what you're missing. I did wait tables for, oh.... well, let's just say quite a while.

Times of India makes me hurl

2007-01-07T04:02:00.000-05:00

So I open the paper this morning....

Oh wait... sorry... Happy New Year everyone. I am glad to be back home, even if the following might not make it sound that way. We had a great trip to the US, and Kishore finally got to meet all my friends and see where I used to live.

OK, so back to business. Times of India seems to outrage me every time I open it up. Today it was on two accounts.

1. There was a horrific dog attack on a small child recently in Rajajinagar. A girl of 8 was attacked and killed by a pack of up to 15 stray dogs. Horrible, brutal incident. But what really sparked my ire was that the author of the front page piece on it blamed mutton shops in the area for leaving meat and bones out. The author's point was that by eating meat the dogs "got a taste for blood" and that is why they attacked the girl.

I have never heard such ridiculous bullshit in my life. When these "journalists" write these stories, you would think they would rely on something more than folklore to base their stories on. For god's sake, canines are carnivores, and most of them do not kill people. These damned dogs did not kill the girl because they "got a taste for blood". They killed her because dogs operate on a pack mentality. And because Bangalore has a very very very serious problem with wild/stray animals. And most of them are starving. Probably the alpha dog of the pack was an abnormally aggressive animal, and because it attacked the girl first (seeing her as small) the others followed. But not because someone fed it mutton. This dog would have brutally attacked someone at some point, even if it had lived a life dining on only chana masala and carrots. And this stupid journalist is perpetuating ridiculous myths by profering a completely uneducated opinion.

2. I have not done an exhaustive search of TOI to understand their total coverage of Saddam Hussein, but they showed their asses today by referring to him only as a "brutal dictator" and waxing poetic about his execution. Brutal dictator? Are you fucking kidding me? The man was a mass-murdering, megalomaniacal rapist, torturer and psychopath. And that doesn't really even cover it. He used chemical weapons against his own people. I cannot write enough words to describe the atrocities he inflicted on Iraquis.

One day my husband and I watched a documentary on what Hussein had done. Kishore was gobsmacked. All he could say, over and over, was "I never knew... I never realized what he had actually done." And that film was just the atrocities he inflicted on kurdish villagers and the torture inflicted on people suspected of just about anything. It spoke nothing of his two vile sons who raped hundreds women and small girls and had them killed after they were done.

Anyway, before you get all bent out of shape, I am not a supporter of capital punishment. I also do not support the war in Iraq. But am I sad Hussein is dead? Hell no, he was a piece of shit. I am sick of people defending him simply because they disagree with the war. The guy was barely human.

So maybe TOI should choose its words more carefully. Do its homework a bit more stringently. Apparently a good number of people here have no clue what that fucker really did. And that is sad. TOI is just a rag where the writers say what people want to hear. It's entertainment. The section showing a bunch of navel-baring socialites probably has more factually correct information than the rest of the pages combined. How pathetic.

Oh, and by the way, they need a new editor... the paper is so rife with grammatical and spelling errors it becomes fun to whip out my red pen and see if I can get through a paragraph without cackling about the current editor's ineptitude.

Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas....

2006-12-13T03:38:00.000-05:00

OK all, I am packing up myself and my husband and going to the US for Christmas and the New Year!

We'll be doing a whirlwind tour of Boston, DC and NYC... seeing all my friends and spending some time with my family. Kishore will get to experience a proper Christmas complete with snow (I hope), a huge tree and all my family asking him a million and one questions. And my parents are throwing us a party on New Year's Day as a late congratulations on the wedding (actually, they just want to invite all the people over who could not travel to India for the wedding....).

So we have a completely packed 3+ weeks coming up. We leave tomorrow night.
On that note, I hope everyone has a very Merry Christmas and a perfectly wonderful New Year!

See ya in 2007! (I will probably not be posting during my break)

BURP!

2006-11-23T11:52:00.000-05:00

uuuuuuuuuuuuuuugggggggggggh.
STUFFED.

Just returned from Thanksgiving dinner at The Only Place, and I must say it was pretty darned good. Roasted turkey, stuffing (with giblets!), mashed potatoes, gravy, cranberry sauce, corn, beans, carrots, sweet potatoes, chick pea salad, tossed salad, broccoli, brussels sprouts, rolls, and pumpkin pie.

So OK, it was not made by Martha Stewart.... or my mom, for that matter. But the turkey was juicy, the gravy was not lumpy or oily, and the potatoes actually had flavor! What more can a person ask for when celebrating a foreign holiday in Asia?

Well, according to the hoity-toity beeeeeyatch seated next to us (along with her long-suffering, timid husband, her perfectly angelic 4 year old daughter, and a small boy who threw a shit-fit at every possible thing imaginable), apparently you might require the wine list of Tavern on the Green.

So this family sits down, and the waiter (who is the nicest man alive, might I add) asks if he can get them wine or beer. She asks what kind of wine it is. I knew there would be trouble then. I wanted to whisper to her "Look Lady, this ain't the Taj. Your choices are gonna be white or red. period" but I kept my mouth shut.

She took one look at the bottles, made an obnoxious face and asked if they had real wine. I wanted to smack the living shit (and the tiffany earrings) out of her. I mean, look. I enjoy good wine as much, mmmmmmm... strike that, MORE than the average person. I am Italian. I know good wine. I love good wine. But I know better than to think I am going to get it (or that I am entitled to it) everywhere I go.

It is these types of people that give Americans a shitty name. This ridiculous sense of entitlement. Adjust lady, you're not on Park Avenue anymore. And if you cannot deal with it, then stay the hell home and stop ruining my perfectly lovely Thanksgiving meal. And while you're at it, teach your son some manners. He picked his nose and wiped it on the tablecloth... and in my book that is WAY worse than having a crappy wine list.

To everyone else...... HAPPY THANKSGIVING!

Autumn Blues

2006-11-16T01:08:00.000-05:00

OK, so it's official. I am miserable without a proper autumn.

I am working from home today. I took a break to watch Love Monkey (why was that show cancelled? It was great!!!) and of course got all nostalgic. Manhattan music scene, wide shots of the city, people wearing winter coats and funky scarves and walking with steaming cups of coffee thru city streets. ARGH! I am officially homesick!

Fall is my favorite season. It's so nice and crisp... all the colors pop out. Everything is crystal clear and I feel awake all the time. I open my windows and air out the house and make mulled cider. I cook huge pots of black bean chili and boeuf bourguinon. I go pick apples. I go to parks everyone else has long abandoned. I savor all things pumpkin and cranberry.

So here I am in Bangalore where it is a perfect 75 degrees all day long, every day. Light wind, normally my ideal weather conditions. But I am yearning to bundle up in a nice cozy sweater and walk around apple-cheeked and cold-nosed.

Well, let's just hope that the pumpkin spice and gingerbread lattes are still available at Starbucks when I get back on the 15th. One month from today! SIGH!

2006-11-14T09:16:00.000-05:00

So, what's new you ask?

Well my parents were here for a while. That was nice, but also stressful. I mean, I have not lived at home for quite some time. So while I am always happy to see them, it is difficult to have guests for so long, especially when they are your parents. Anyway, it was great to see them. Now I have a couple different friends coming from the states... so that will be funfunfun!

Am gearing up for a 3 week trip home over Christmas! And I have found a place in Bangalore that serves really great cheeseburgers. What's more is that they are having a traditional Thanksgiving dinner next week... roasted turkey, stuffing, gravy, cranberry sauce and.... wait for it.... PUMPKIN PIE!!! I am so excited I could burst. The last thing I simply cannot find in this city are cupcakes. I am in desparate need of cupcakes. Seven months and no cupcakes? UNFUCKINGTHINKABLE!
(I guess I really can live through anything, nah?)

HEY SANTORUM!

2006-11-08T00:45:00.000-05:00

That's what you get, you hate mongering, nasty piece of shit. That's right. You're out of office! And it wasn't even close. So there. Can you see me giving you the finger and maniacally laughing all the way from India? No? Want me to send you video of it? Cause I would be more than happy to pay the postage.

For all of you wondering what all this blather is about, we've had House, Sentate and Gubernatorial elections in the US yesterday. And a lot of the bastards I hate most (a la Senator Rick ASSMASTER Santorum) lost their seats. George "I am not a racist, I just call people monkeys when I am provoked, but you can't get mad cause I just found out I am Jewish" Allen is currently behind in votes and I am confident he will lose (insert me dancing a jig here). Bob Erlich (R) lost his re-election bid for governor of Maryland, and it looks like Massachusetts has elected a black dem governor!

CNN is reporting that Dems now have control of the House, and there are 4 seats standing between us and the Senate. Oh people, keep your fingers crossed.

There are some blights on this seemingly happy occasion, though. Arnold has been re-elected. And more ridiculously, a handful more states have voted in a same sex marriage ban. So all is not roses.

But we're back on the right track. (breathes mini sigh of relief)

here there and everywhere

2006-11-07T05:02:00.000-05:00

Well, I haven't blogged in ages. Forever. OK so like a month.
Either way, my heart hasn't been in it. I have been swamped and daily life has overrun my enthu for writing about it.

Not to say life has been bad. Far from it. Took a lovely trip with the husband out to Coorg and did all sorts of things. My parents came for a nice visit. I have a friend coming here to see me very soon. There will be business trips to happy european locals, and (fingers crossed) a trip home for Christmas. I think the problem is that I am so busy, I am too tired at the end of the day to consider staggering into the other room to bang on about it here.

I am still adjusting to India. Some things drive me shit crazy, like the pissing on the street and the total lack of any discernable driving rules. And the lack of running hot water in my kitchen. And my wildly devalued salary. Other things are mere inconveniences... no tampons with applicators anywhere to be found (and this is also seemingly a topic one should never discuss out loud, either. Listen, I did not ask to menstruate, so I am not going to apologize for it, yeah?). Still cannot find cupcakes. I miss my friends and my cats.

But other than that, life is just fine. My apartment has come together nicely... all the furniture is finally in (and looking lovely, I might add), with drapery hung and rugs placed. I have my handpainted dishware and lovely friends to have over to share my food with. I have a husband that loves me and takes good care of me and makes me laugh (and sometimes shout). What more could I ask for?

So that's it for now. When I think of something interesting, I will write about it. Maybe I will publish some pictures of the elephants I talked to in Coorg. Always wanted to have a nice talk with an elephant and finally got my chance. Got some things answered, too. Smart creatures, those elephants!

ciao!

Hey, you.. where the @#()@ are your gloves?

2006-10-03T10:09:00.000-04:00

So it's been a holiday here in India... all kinds of poojas and festivals all weekend long. And guess what I did? Well, I laid in bed coughing and blowing my nose and wishing I could scrape my throat and lungs completely out of my body. I have some irrationaly horrible upper respiratory infection that just won't go away.

So today we figure I should go to the doctor because none of the medications I was taking (antibiotics, antihistamines, cough medicine, ibuprofin) were doing a damned bit of good. And as we're sitting in the clinic waiting room, we're trying to asses the people coming in to figure out who will be my ENT specialist. One stunningly beautiful woman comes in... she must have been in her 60's... long grey hair pulled up into a French knot, amazing bone structure, perfect makeup, gorgeous saree. Nope, not her.

Then I look out the window and see a dumpy woman standing in the median. She is wearing a ill-kempt saree with her generous belly hanging out, her hair is a wild mess, and best of all... she is digging in her nose like there is no tomorrow. She's at it for so long I have time to get my husband's attention and he also catches sight of her picking away to glory. We look at each other and laugh "I bet that's the doctor." Of course I am hoping it isn't, but deep inside I know it has to be. Why? Because I am the girl who always gets the hair in her food, the guy taking a crap in front of her on the sidewalk, the coworker eating out of her tiffin with snotty tissues in her hand.
And I, ladies and gentleman, am a GERMAPHOBE.

So yeah, of course that's my doc, and we follow her into the observation room. I keep thinking "OK this is where she washes her hands," but instead she starts grabbing at my head to look up my nose and down my throat. I look at my husband with terror in my eyes. He is a doctor, so he is basically disgusted, but not terribly surprised. Mostly he just feels badly that I am wanting to hit the doctor in the mouth for being nasty and run out the door.

She does a cursory exam (sans any kind of proper intake), writes me a script for a few drugs, and then WALKS OUT THE DOOR RIGHT BEHIND US. That's right folks... I have a respiratory infection, she examined me, then strolled right out the door without even a nod to a bar of soap or a squirt of antibacterial gel.

In my former life I would have yelled so hard that the Indian Medical Council in Delhi would have heard me without use of a telephonic device. Now I guess I have really adapted to India. I calmly walked out, went home and took a long hot shower.

Can you really call it "Eve Teasing" if it constitutes assault? (or how the anti-harassment laws in India might hurt women)

2006-09-13T12:26:00.000-04:00

So India has this law against what they refer to as "Eve Teasing." From what I understand, if I say a man says anything (sexually) offensive to me, he is arrested with no questions asked.

Where to start.

As a linguist, I am fascinated at this name. First, Eve was a biblical figure of temptation. So this actually implies that women are tempting men to the behavior in question. And next, why would anyone include the word "tease" in an anti-harassment law? You cannot outlaw teasing per se. And shouting obscenities at women and threatening them really does not constitute teasing. But by calling it that you immediately downgrade the importance of it to something akin to what an immature 10 year old boy does to his peers on the playground. And maybe that is what some men think of this behavaior as... immature teasing.

There is something much more sinister happening here. Women are molested and sexually assaulted by the thousands every day on the streets, buses, trains and streets of India (and other countries too, but right now my focus is here in India). Men rub their crotches against women on buses, grope them mercilessly on trains, and grab at their breasts on the street. Think I am overexaggerating... go do a Google search. It happens more than sometimes.

I, myself, one day was minding my own business on MG Road on a crowded Saturday and a man forcibly grabbed my breast and squeezed. I snatched his hand away and meant to beat him senseless, but he got away and was quickly lost in the crowd. Same in Mumbai but much, much worse. While walking from the train out of the station I think my behind and my breasts were groped about 30-odd times. Hard to tell because those stations redefine the word 'crowd'. And once while I was sitting on a packed train, a man who was standing pushed his crotch very very close to my face. When I pushed him away he apologized and said the train had lurched, but then later he gave me a nasty leer just to make sure I knew it was not an accident.

Anyway, what has happened to me is mild compared to the humiliation some women endure. It is sick, it is frightening and it is not not not "teasing."

But I will tell you this. I think women need to toughen up. Do I think shouting "hey baby, shake that ass" should be illegal? No, I do not. Why? Because they are just words. They are obnoxious one, agreed. But they are not threatening. Yes I understand that in some situations they might be. And yes, some words are threats... you whisper in some poor girl's ear that you want to "do her good" or some other such horrifying nonsense, and that can (and should) be construed as a threat to rape. It should be illegal. But "hey sexy" is not a threat. It's annoying, but it's simply teasing.

Men need to clearly know the difference. If you outlaw everything, they will try harder to get around the rules. And sadly there are cases here of women using the "Eve Teasing" law to unfairly get even with men who continue with unwanted advances or do not reciprocate their feelings. Do I think that happens often? I do not know. I would doubt it. But any unfair use of it weakens the meaning for real victims. This is not a means to get even. This is an important tool to stopping the abuse and subjugation of women.

Most importantly the boundaries need to be set, and then ENFORCED. Women need to learn how to defend themselves. We need to learn to let the small stuff roll off our backs, and when to react to something offensive. We need to educate men. We need to hold the police and government accountable for our safety. We need to stick up for ourselves when we feel uncomfortable. We need to learn not to overreact, because that weakens our position in the end. We need to find our voices, and we need to help our quieter sisters find theirs. We need to build our self-esteem so that we do not sit by passively when we notice our sisters being abused simply to spare ourselves the same abuse. We need to learn to ask for help if we need it, and conversely we need to give it when asked.

I sincerely applaud the work of the Blank Noise Project. Education is very, very important. But I have some concerns. Look at the banner at the top. I agree with most of the items they have next to the word NO... but no looking? No staring? This is excessive. People look, and they stare. And looking/staring is not harmful. Yes, I agree that sometimes a look can make you feel dirty. And I do agree that leching is different from looking. But ladies, I will let you know now. You will never, and I mean NEVER stop men from noticing your body. But you can control how you feel about that. If your self-esteem is high enough, no simple look will produce that horrible stomach churning. It will take something a lot more serious.

There is a fact we need to understand. You cannot make something like a look equal in seriousless to something like groping. Do I like it when a man stares at my breasts? Hell no. But I also realize that men are visually stimulated. If they stare for a long time, and have a conversation with them, I cue them to look up. Do I humiliate them? Usually not. Why? Because men are more likely to take it to heart and not repeat the offense if they are not made to feel humiliated. Make them see you as human and not an object. Then they will stop staring inappropriately.

I could go on and on. But let me be clear. I am in no way blaming the victim. Sexual harassment should be taken extremely serioulsy. All I am saying is that us women have to take control and use that control judiciously and in our favor.

How I feel lately... take it however you wanna

2006-09-07T11:33:00.001-04:00

If you call me up I'd say a few words
But I'll try not to speak too long
Please to be kind and I'll try to explain
I'll probably get it all wrong
What does it mean when you promise someone
That no matter how hard or whatever may come

It means that I won't give in, won't give in, won't give in
'Cause everyone I love is here
Play it once, then disappear

Once in a while I return to the fold
With people I call my own
Even if time is just a flicker of light
And we all have to die alone
What does it mean when you belong to someone
When you're born with a name, when you carry it on

It means that I won't give in, won't give in, won't give in
'Cause everyone I love is here
All at once, and I'll show you how to get here

Come on now, come on now, can you feel it, I can see it in ya
Come on now, come on now, reveal it, turn around won't ya
The right time, the right place, right now, turn around

A chance is made, a chance is lost, I carry myself to the edge of the earth

It means that I won't give in, won't give in, won't give in
'Cause everyone I love is here
Say it once, just say it, then disappear

-- "Won't Give In"
Finn Brothers

And a Happy Birthday It Was!

2006-08-29T10:24:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was my birthday... and my darling husband went all out.
He gave me a few small gifts beforehand... but yesterday itself was the best birthday ever.

He showed up at work with a cake (my coworkers were thrilled!) and an amazing gift. Then he drove me to one of my favorite restaurants for the big surprise!

We arrived at Shiok where I learned that Kishore had conspired with Madhu to set up a special birthday dinner. (If you have not been there, RUN! Do not walk.... delicious and thoughtfully prepared South-East Asian food. Really REALLY good stuff. Not the crappy stuff you get at most thai and chinese places, yet not stuffy or pretentious. Simply very authentic food made with fresh ingredients with great attention to detail. And some very lovely cocktails, I might add! It is located in Indiranagar on CMH road just across from Arya Samaj). We had 5 courses of pure yum. And being that Kishore is veg and I am not, he was good enough to make separate dishes for each of us...

Anyway, big thanks to Kishore for making my day all the more wonderful!
(insert large grin here)

P.S. IMHO Justin Timberlake has brought sexy back. Damn. Double Damn. I am feeling that song (and him)

File Under HEINOUS

2006-08-21T13:08:00.000-04:00

OK, so I thought I had heard it all. But apparently not. Because some total fuckwit in Mumbai has decided that it would be an interesting marketing angle to open a Hitler-themed restaurant... complete with life-sized portrait of the Fuhrer to greet you at the door.

"This place is not about wars or crimes, but where people come to relax and enjoy a meal," said restaurant manager Fatima Kabani, adding that they were planning to turn the eatery's name into a brand with more branches in Mumbai.

Um WHAT???? How the fuck do you figure?

OK let's open a Bhopal Gas Leak amusement park. How fun! Or how about a General Dyer themed restaurant and have it set up like Jallianwallah Bagh. Oh right, it won't be about wars or crimes. Nothing personal about those things, right?

What is wrong with people that they feel the cause of death for innocent people can be trivialized in such a horrific manner?

What makes the situation even worse is that a bunch of famous people showed up at the opening! Film actors and the former mayor actually dared to show up. Oh, but it was all in good fun

When actor Murli Sharma was asked about his appearance at the opening, and if he found the theme disturbing, he said:

"I am not really agitated as I have not read much about the man (Hitler). However, from what I know about Hitler, I find this name rather amusing."

So there you have it, really. Total ignorance. Unbridled, complete and hateful ignorance. I am sickened. How does a city that is still in the throes of recovering from it's own tragic brush with hate and death play host to such a disturbing and disgusting thing? I don't know either. But it seems the city is more than ready to accept anti-semitism in it's most obvious form.

I suggest you google the establishment if you are in India and give them a call. I have yet to find their phone listing, so if you come across it, please post it in my comments section.

BRAVISSIMO, Fiorano!

2006-08-19T13:10:00.000-04:00

We have driven by this restaurant, Fiorano, at least twice a day. It's just near our house in Koramangala on 100 Feet Road. Finally tonight we decided to try it. I was nervous to go, as I am picky picky picky about Italian food. We had tried to go a few weeks back, but went on a saturday without a reservation and they were unable to seat us. This time we planned ahead.

When we were seated our waiter Jason came by and said "it's good to see you made it. I saw you the other day and I am sorry we were unable to accomodate you then." Hunh? Amazing! This guy remembered us from 3 weeks ago, and we were only in the place a scant minute. A good sign.

I was glad to see Campari, a typical Italian aperitif, on the menu. Our drinks were followed by the house appetizer of crostini, which came with garlic, fresh basil leaves, and cherry tomatoes. I was delighted, but also wondered how many people know to rub the garlic clove on the bread, rip up the basil, and sprinkle salt and olive oil before eating. No matter, I was busily chomping away within minutes.

We ordered the insalata caprese and the crostini misti for starters. The crostini came with a nice selection of mushrooms, roasted peppers, fresh tomatoes, and a cheese and spinach spread. They were nicely done with melted cheese, and the portion was large enough for two people to share easily.

The salad was delicious... a typical mixture of ripe tomatoes, fresh mozzarella cheese (not pizza mozzarella... this is different... soft, silky and milky, usually made from buffalo milk) and basil atop a green salad. I was distracted by eating the cheese and tomatoes, so when I finally bit into the green salad I got the best surprise of the evening... arucola! Arucola is a lettuce that I never in my wildest dreams thought to hope for here. It is a slightly bitter green with a peppery flavor, and it is one of my favorites. When the waiter came back to ask how the food was, I said "is it arucola?" He grinned and said "yes, of course.. we have a grower." This launched a long discussion about their foods. Jason was very knowledgable about Italian foods, and better yet he told me that the restaurant has a take-away service for the cheeses (parmigiano, pecorino, provolone, etc.), meats (prosciutto. salame, etc.) and desserts! I was also impressed that he is learning Italian, and he spoke to me for a while. A nice and very unexpected touch!

For the main course I had spaghetti carbonara, which is made with cheese, egg and bacon. It was definitely good. I won't lie and say it was the best carbonara I have ever had, but it is a difficult dish to make. The flavor was rich, all in all a solid attempt at the classic dish. For my taste it was a bit heavy on the cheese, but I am not complaining. Kishore had pasta with broccoli and peccorino cheese, which was also fairly good. My only issue was that it could have done with more salt while cooking (no good to add it in the end... the flavors won't mix by then). Both pastas were cooked al dente, which is highly important. If you give me overcooked pasta, I am done. Fork down, no questions. But this was good quality pasta cooked perfectly.

The menu had a huge selection of dishes... all kinds of antipasti (starters, both veg and with meat), pasta, risotto (a creamy rice dish made with arborio rice), polenta (a kind of corn meal cooked until it is silky smooth and accompanied by various veggies or meats), grilled meats, and contorni (vegetables ordered as an compliment to your meal). The selection was good for both veg and non-veg, and I was pleased to see dishes that I would normally find on a menu in Italy.

For dessert we had tiramisu and panna cotta. The tiramisu was exceptional... they used mascarpone cheese, which is how it is traditionally made. Yes, I said cheese. However most places substitute whipped cream, and for me that is a fatal error. Fiorano also did a good job soaking the biscuits in the mixture of espresso and coffee liquor, and the result is favoloso! The panna cotta however was, in a word, yuck. If you go, skip it. I should have listened to Jason and ordered the mango cheesecake with fresh figs. I don't know what I was thinking, but I will know better next time.

I also thought the prices were reasonable. The portions were sufficient, the ingredients were fresh and authentic, and the ambience was well thought out (tables not too close together, good lighting and the music was not loud). They do, however, need to work on their wine list. There were not too many Italian wines on the menu, and from what I remember, only California wines were available by the glass.

Anyway, I would highly recommend this place to anyone who appreciates authentic Italian food. But please, make a reservation... we saw a lot of people come in and leave disappointed because the place was packed by 9 PM.

Things you find on your balcony

2006-08-13T02:51:00.000-04:00

looking for food at 10 AM on a saturday.

So I was getting ready to go out, and I look down to find monkeys eating fruit off the tree in our apartment compound. I have never seen monkeys in Koramangala, so I was kind of excited. Kishore went to look at them from the balcony off our bedroom, and he yelled to me "hey, they're coming up here!" Sure enough when I arrived I saw a pair of little hands, and then a head peek up above the balcony wall.

Then they moved over to the larger balcony, so I went and got some tomatoes. This is when the alpha male took center stage. I rolled a tomato to the young male of the group, and the alpha male came rushing over. Kishore gave him a tomato, but he saw that Kishore had another one in his hand and started growling, so Kishore handed it over to avoid a fight. At one point when he was close to being done eating he started looking at the door, thinking there were more tomatoes inside. I was terrified of him getting in, so we closed the door for a bit.

Later after the big guy ate and walked away, we fed the mom who was very demure and not pushy at all. We followed them from room to room as they walked from balcony to balcony. The young male stopped a lot to look at me through the windows.

For all of you scared that we've now committed ourselves to feeding these monkeys, no worries. These ones were transient. We've never seen them before, and frankly I doubt we'll see them again.

Full Circle

2006-08-05T17:12:00.000-04:00

Here I am again, 2 AM... well 2:38 to be exact. I am still awake. This time it is not the roaches keeping me up.

It is a strange existance here, in the little world I am creating. I am finally getting used to my apartment... it is starting to feel more like home and less like someplace I stumbled into off the street. But there are no real patterns yet. No wake-up time, no bed time. I have no job, so I have no boundaries. Want to read until 2 AM? There's nothing stopping me. Breakfast at noon? No issues.

Thankfully this structureless world will dissolve quite soon. Both my husband and I are orbiting back toward earth, which requires us both to work. I went to a promising interview yesterday, and have another coming up (fingers crossed) this coming week. He should be set up within two weeks time. Then we'll get down to the nitty gritty. I know, I sound insane asking for a mundane, routinized life... but I am craving it now. I miss working. I miss structure. I am such a friggin virgo I make myself ill.

We went out to dinner tonight. Tried to go to Fiorano, and should have known we would need a reservation on a Saturday night. So instead we went to Tamarind. Not too impressed. I mean, it wasn't horrible... maybe it just wasn't what I had my tastebuds set on. I ordered ginger ale. What arrived was nuclear orange and tasted like chickoo juice mixed with soda water. Truly foul. When I asked if it was ginger ale the server looked at me like I was a total idiot, so I asked for 7Up.

He was also totally pushy when he came for the order. Why do Indian restaurants require you to place your order for starters when you give your drink order? I told him I needed a minute, and then paused... causing him to start suggesting things on the list for me to eat. No matter that I had no interest in murgh kebabs as an appetizer. He just went right on listing until finally he said "fish and chips" and I said "yeah OK fine." What arrived was a huge plate of fish and like 6 fries. I have to say the fish was delicious. Perfect, actually. The breading was light, crispy and flavorful, it wasn't at all greasy, and the fish was mild. But it was hardly a starter. As a result I ate like 3 bites of dum aloo and called it a night.

Well, almost. We decided to split a dessert. It was ice cream with chocolate sauce, or so the guy said. What arrived was a foul combination of ice cream (strawberry, pista, black currant) all of which tasted mildly of floor cleaner. Underneath the ice cream were apples and slices of some kind of insipid chocolatish cake. All was drenched in chocolate sauce that tasted a bit burnt. I have yet to have good ice cream in India. What gives? It's always grainy and tastes of the gooey syrup they used to flavor it. I just want a nice creamy scoop made with real flavors.

Ah, I guess I stand corrected by myself. I just remembered I had fabulous ice cream in Mumbai with Prat, Venky and Vasu. So OK OK, but what gives? Is there no good ice cream to be had in Bangalore? Hunh?

And OK even if there isn't, I can forgive you... because the rava masala dosas taste just like heaven.

DESPERATION

2006-07-26T05:44:00.000-04:00

uh... is there a good reason why there is nowhere, and I mean NOWHERE, in Bangalore that makes cupcakes? All I want is a good chocolate cake, moist, with some lucious vanilla buttercream. Or some vanilla cake with chocolate buttercream. Hmmm... both actually, please.

Anyone who knows me well knows my passion for cupcakes. Cake is good, but cupcakes are the best food item imaginable. The perfect ratio of frosting to cake, and just a small 2-3 bite serving. So wonderful, so delicious. A dessert sent from God to make man blissfully happy.

For those of you at home in the US, I know you're thinking... "just whip up a batch, silly!"

Well it's not that easy.
Why, you ask?
BECAUSE THE AVERAGE HOME IN INDIA DOES NOT HAVE A FREAKIN OVEN, that's why.

So there you have it. no bakeries in the city that make cupcakes, and no way to make them myself. This is truly a crisis. Send help!

PS.... if you are from Bangalore and know where I can find cupcakes, there will be a significant reward. But be sure they are real cupcakes. Reference the above picture. They must be small and have frosting. And they must not be like 15 days old and hard as a rock, or made without eggs (damn the bakeries here that cook without eggs! give a girl some warning!)

the honeymoon is over

2006-07-20T13:06:00.000-04:00

literally, not figuratively :)

I am still processing the pictures of our trip to Italy, but here is a shot of Capri... which is a little island off the coast of Naples in the southern part of Italy. We stayed in Naples on the second to last night of our trip. My cousins were very generous and got us a night at a gorgeous 5 star hotel as a wedding present. You would not believe this place... it's right on the bay with amazing views of the ocean and the coastline.

We arrived in Naples from Rome by train, dropped our bags at the hotel, and headed off by boat to Capri... just a 40 minute ferry ride. Then we spent the day leisurely enjoying lunch, doing some window shopping (I had already given my credit card a workout in Florence), and getting some sun. We wanted to go to the famous Blue Grotto, but the local tour company decided to cut out it's last tour of the day for some unknown reason, so we were told at the last moment that we wouldn't get to go :(

Anyway, more pictures to come, but here's a nice one of the main port in Capri, just to tide you over.

BLOCKED BY THE INDIAN GOVERNMENT

2006-07-18T14:47:00.000-04:00

well... I have not been able to see my own blog for a couple days now, and I just found out that the reason is because the Indian Government has frigging blocked Blogger.

Yes I am serious. So I can post but I cannot see my own site or read anyone else's site on Blogger. But I can read your comments because they come to my email.

Thought I moved to the largest democracy in the world. Apparently I was mistaken.

PS... for those of you who are curious to read about it, just google blogger + india. or turn on the news if you are here in India. The government has admitted it was them who ordered the block.

We're not in Italy anymore, Toto

2006-07-16T09:03:00.000-04:00

(if you don't get the above, sorry... watch more old movies...)

We're back from the honeymoon (waaaaaaaaaaaaaaaiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiil!)

Italy was, as usual, fabulous. We arrived in Rome and spent a couple days with my cousin Giuliano in Valmontone... a small small town just outside the city. He lives at the base of hills in the middle of nowhere, and it's lovely. My cousin Michela (G's sister) lives just around the corner, so we saw her and her new twins Viola and Alice as well. They are amazing... as diffferent as can be and both so much fun. Then we left for Florence, where we spent 3 days roaming about in the HOT HOT HOT weather. Then my cousin Daniele (the brother of Giuliano and Michela) drove us to Siena, and we stayed there for one night in a gorgeous villa in the Tuscan hills. Next day we took the train to Anzio, which is south of Rome, to see my other cousin Antonella. We stayed there a few days, going to the beach and exploring Rome (the day we were in Rome it was 38 degrees, so we nearly died). Then we returned to Valmontone for a couple days rest, and then off to Naples, where we were treated to a night at a 5 star hotel just on the bay as our wedding present. That day we took a boat to Capri and strolled around, and had a romantic dinner by the water that night back in Naples. The next day we went back to Valmontone, had one last dinner with the family, and woke up at 4 AM to come back.

Kishore took somewhere close to 600 pictures, although he says he is sure he will not be happy with most of them. I took hardly any since I have been so many times. My main focus was soaking everything in and finding all the sights and foods I wanted him to experience. He has now discovered the joys of true Italian cuisine... espresso, Falanghina wine, various cheeses, pasta with bitter greens or spicy tomato sauces, chewy chewy breads. He tried everything (veg) that was put in front of him, and for the most part seemed to enjoy himself. My relatives went all out to make sure there was enough veg food for him, not just salads and the same pastas. One night we went to a Napolitan pizza joint in Cave (near Valmontone) and his appetizer was the size of a small child... pizza dough filled with veggies and cheese and covered in a delicious tomato ragu. He ate every bite with a huge grin, then polished off almost half his enormous pizza.

Anyway, I have a lot of stories to tell of taxi strikes, smelly train passengers, obnoxious women on planes, and injured dogs (no worries, it's OK). More to come in the following days.

On a closing note I will say this. I hate Air France. With a passion unsurpassed. They are the worst airline on the planet and I will never ever fly them again. Ever. Reasons to come.

Squirrel Ties the Knot

2006-06-28T01:40:00.000-04:00

I am now Mrs. Kishore Murthy
Hee

The wedding went really well. More pictures to come... hold onto your chaddi for just a few days more :)

The wedding was at Ganjam Mantap in Bangalore, a really beautiful place with a lovely stone garden area in the front. We had the wedding in the morning, and a reception in the evening. Lots of people showed up to wish us well... thanks to all who came!

The next night we had a small party for our friends at Shiok, so we could thank them for running around like crazed people helping us prepare. Many thanks to Madhu for making the night a welcoming and yummy experience (if you haven't gone there... GO! Sure to make your tummy happy. Delicious, delicious, delicious.)

We left for a few days in Pondy with my parents on Saturday AM. Unfortunately my husband was very sick. We had to pull over a few times so he could christen Tamil Nadu. He spent the next two days in bed. Poor chap.

Pondicherry was hotter than hell. We walked about, sweated, walked some more and retired to the pool. We went to Auroville and went swimming again. Somewhere in between we also did some shopping and ate.

I must say that I was not all that impressed with the food in Pondy. We did not have time to properly research before we went, and we left our guidebooks at home in the rush to leave. We did have a fabulous meal on the last night at the sister hotel to ours, Le Dupleix. We had dined a couple times at our hotel The Promenade, which none of us were very impressed with. The food on the rooftop restaurant was alright, but the lunch buffet was crap and breakfast was spotty (never mind the utterly hopeless service). The food at Le Dupliex, however, was brilliant. My parents had some kind of Goan prawns, which were delish, I had some chicken breast in a mushroom and gherkin sauce (oh so french), and Kishore had a very good mushroom ravioli with a wild mushroom sauce. Let me tell you, not so easy to get good Italian food outside Italy, and this was a damned good attempt. For dessert we all had chocolate mousse, and ended up blissed out on a chocolate high.

OK well it's time for lunch, and we're trying to prepare for our Saturday departure to Italy. I will try to post again before we leave.

Losing your mind in 2 days or less

2006-06-19T13:13:00.000-04:00

Well the wedding is on Wednesday. My parents arrived a few days ago, and my aunt, uncle, cousin and his wife arrived this AM. My parents have now met my fiance's parents, we've been to Commerical Street 150 times looking for glass bangles, and my bridal mehendi is now applied (I am not so happy with it, but nothing can be done about that now...)

Anyway, all this to say it will be a while before I am able to log back on. But I promise to post a wedding picture sometime in the next couple weeks.

Cheers and be good. Wish me luck!

Evening

2006-06-14T10:04:00.000-04:00

Standing on my balcony I can see the couple in the apartment across and down from mine. The old man is sitting cross legged on his bed. He is meticulously folding clothes and placing them into a small blue suitcase lying open in front of him. His wife is lounging next to him. I can see only her elbows above the windowcasing, and her thin legs from the calves down. He is shirtless, and so I see only his bare back and his janiwara. The maid is working in the utility room and looks up at me briefly, the odd girl standing alone on her balcony. A few minutes later I see her feet appear in the bedroom of the old couple, and I see the wife's hand wave her away dismissingly. The man places a square paper-wrapped parcel on top of his clothes and closes the suitcase, setting it carefully on the floor.

First one bat flies by, then another and another, all on their way to the fruit-laden tree that stands near the corner of my building.

It is sunset.

yipee!

2006-06-14T04:26:00.000-04:00

So finally after tinkering with the washing machine hose I have gotten it to stop leaking and yesterday I was finally able to get a proper load of wash done. Of course I added too much washing powder (I am used to using liquid) and had to run the rinse cycle a few times. But no matter... the wash is done. YIPEE!

This morning the power went out for 2 hours. So I went to sit on the balcony for a while to cool off and the most beautiful blue butterfly came and sat on my arm. He walked a few paces and then stayed for a good minute before he flew away. I prefer to think of him as part of the unofficial welcoming committee from India. He was so pretty and just sat fluttering his wings to show off his colors. I am not sure who sent the colony of teensy ants in my bathroom, but I would like to stress that the butterfly was quite enough... the ants are an unecessary touch. :)

So my parents arrive tomorrow evening, late. Friday we'll go around and get some more wedding errands done. Last night my fiance and I met with the decorator, finalizing the flowers and seating for the wedding and reception. I am happy that I can have some gerbera daisies, as they are my favorite flowers. The mantap should look very nice. It's a lovely mantap anyway, Ganjam mantap... I fell in love with it as soon as we walked in. The kind of place I always wanted to get married in (of course I never imagined myself being married in India, but nevertheless....) Very old bronze statues, lots of exposed wood beams, and amazing gardens with stone pools and fish. It should look especially good when decorated with flowers and lights.

So! Off to mop the floors (I have never done so much mopping in my entire life! In the US we usually have carpeting, so at the most you vaccuum every few days and sweep the tiled areas at the same time) and try to make the most of the vast empty spaces. Since we have little storage there is not much I can do about all the suitcases until we get some furniture. The computer room looks like a commuter lounge with all the bags and things on the floor.

It will take a while to get settled. Daily, little by little, things fall into place.

And the opposite of success...

2006-06-12T02:27:00.000-04:00

looks a lot like washing chaddi and banians in a bucket.

I got up this morning all full of enthusiam about using my new washer. So I get it all loaded up and turn on all the necessary switches... select the settings I want... hit the buttons... and voila! NOTHING. The clothes just rolled around dry in the tumbler.

Oh RIGHT! Probably they never turned the water back on. So I turn the knob and hear the water flowing. Then I hear this hissing sound, which is never indicative of anything good. I look at the back of the washer and water is spraying out of the connection hose. I tighten that and it's STILL spraying everywhere, so I shut everything down. Tighten connections again. Still spraying. I decide that since this is actually an electrical applicance and the water belongs inside the machine, I should probably quit before I do some damage. Then I load all my stupid clothes into a bucket and go off to the guest bedroom to do a little handwashing. Which is when the power goes out, so I am dripping in sweat wringing out underwear in a friggin bucket.

Oh well.

If I had been smart I would have called my neighbors and asked to borrow their maid. Or their washing machine. But alas, the wash is done and hanging out on the balcony to dry.

If it rains, I will bang my head on the wall.

swalpa adjust maadi, swalpa adjust maadi, swalpa adjust maadi, swalpa adjust maadi

SUCCESS!

2006-06-11T10:29:00.000-04:00

Finally we've gotten the apartment sufficiently rewired. It took calling a friend of my fiance's friend and dragging him all the way across the city on a Sunday, and it took him a good 6 hours of hard work. But finally... my washing machine is hooked up, the wiring is set for the dryer, the microwave is all plugged in and the hot water heater in the master bath works. PHEW! So tomorrow I can finally put in a load of wash and hang it out to dry... aaaaaaaahhhh, bliss!

We've got a really busy week coming up. We still have to fix the photographer/videographer, the webcaster, meet with the decorator, I have to register at the FRO office, I need bangles for the wedding, shoes for the reception, we are still very lacking in furniture... and my parents arrive on Thursday. YEOW!

So I learned the other day, first by stories then by second hand issues, that India has something called the bandicoot rat. Apparently they are quite large and have two big front teeth. Yuck. And quite coincidentally, one ate through the fuel line of my fiance's car yesterday morning, causing him a delay in coming over. Sheesh. I do hope I never meet one of these things. Wikipedia describes them as the Giant Asiatic Rat. Nice. Why can't it just be the other kind of bandicoot, which is a marsupial, and actually kind of cute.

One thing which has surprised me lately is the plethora of adds for lightening cream. Yup, it's exactly what you think... cream designed to lighten your skin tone. How sad it that? Another country where fair skin is more prized than darker skin. World phenomenon I suppose, but it saddens me. And here I am trying to get a tan so I am not quite so pasty white. I have seen the online matrimonial ads here where guys ask for only women who are light skinned. And it happens in the US too, where lighter skinned African Americans are considered more beautiful than the darker ones. Then you have tanning salons on every corner so really white people like me don't look ridiculous when we step out on the beach, scaring people and giving the impression we've been living in a cave 11.5 months out of the year. But you look in the magazines and everyone is a lovely shade of toasty brown. Mixed messages!!!

Oh well, no one is seemingly ever happy with what they have, nah?

waiting...

2006-06-10T09:44:00.000-04:00

I have noticed that I spend a lot, and I mean a LOT of time waiting around now.
There are two significant reasons for this.

The first is that I cannot drive here. And there are few places I can walk to. So, I can either walk myself down to the auto(rickshaw) stand, or I can wait for my fiance to come get me.

The second is the workmen. We have spent a maddening amount of time waiting on the electrician and plumber to come and fix all the things that are wrong in the apartment... plugpoints which do not work (or do not exist), switches that don't work, etc. So I have had a washing machine in my dining room for almost a week now, and I cannot install it because there is no plugpoint in the common bathroom which can carry the circuit load. Anyway, every day the electrician says he will come, and every day we are left waiting. Maddening! Because of this guy I cannot use my washer, dryer, microwave or the hot water heater in the master bedroom.

grrrrrrowwwwwwwwwl.

But some things are going right. My friend Pallavi was a heroine and took a half day from work yesterday. She took me out and helped me get a lot of things done for the wedding. She carted me around all over the city. But first she treated me to a scrumptious Bengali lunch of prawn cutlets, and 4 different fish dishes. I was in HEAVEN. So very delicious. As we ate we talked about all the wonderful foods we are used to eating and how to prepare them. Then she took me to her beautician and we fixed up my hairstyles and the bindi and that medallion thing that hangs down the part in your hair and sits on your forehead. Then we went to the mall and bought lipstick for the wedding and the reception. And THEN she took me to her good friend's house to set the cake. This girl can seriously bake. She let us taste this one cake she had made and it was delicious! So, all my worries allayed, I was able to pick out a gorgeous 3-tiered cake, covered in fondant and daisies... alternating layers of chocolate and coffee buttercream. Yeah, I am drooling thinking about it too. Hooray for cake. And double hooray for Pallavi!!! :)

That's all for now. Off to make tofu stirfry. Introducing the man to yet another firang dish. hahahahaha.

time to call a spade a spade...

2006-06-08T17:09:00.006-04:00

I am officially now well out of jet lag and strolling down the tarmac toward the land that needs no visa to enter. Yes, my dear friends, I am now a friggin insomniac.

It's past 2:30 AM and no sign of sleep yet. And it's been this way since I arrived. I always have a bit of jet lag the first 2-3 days, but never anything like this. Since I arrived, I have been wide awake until about 4, and then unable to drag my sorry behind out of bed until near 10 AM. Hello unproductive!

So here I sit. I have tried to go to sleep 3 times already tonight. Oh sorry, this MORNING. Lights off, thinking pretty thoughts about calm seaside lounging, or lovely vineyards in Tuscany... tried counting things, got annoyed... tried going blank, thought about what colors to paint the bedroom instead. I try not to think of my cats, both of whom I miss very much... that just makes me cry.

So if you see me over the next few days looking particularly haggard, please... be kind. Until I get my hands on some Ambien and reset my biological clock, I am bound to be a bit nutters.

Also, the newest thing weirding me out is that when you go to the grocery store, the eggs are not refridgerated. What is with that? They were just on the shelf next to the atta at food world. What is up with that? eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee. Try as you might, you cannot convince me that is a good idea. ICK.

Product Demonstrations (or how to smile and nod and act like you understand what is going on)

2006-06-06T07:00:00.000-04:00

There is an odd phenomenon here in India that we most certainly do not have in the United States. This thing is called the "Product Demonstration" wherein a representative from whatever company you just bought your appliance from shows up at your home and tells you how to use it.

As I mentioned before, my first encouter with the product demonstration guy was last week with the AquaGuard. I understood barely a thing except that I needed to run 15 litres of water thru before using it, and he asked me at the end if I had any questions by saying "doubts?"

Now, I am perfectly used to Indian accents. All sorts of them. I usually do not have any trouble understanding people when they talk to me. Ask my friends. So why is it that every product demonstration guy they send to me might as well be speaking in Martian? OK that is not fair, I did completely understand the LG guy when he came last night. Except there was no product here for him to demonstrate.

(please, no hatemail about this. I am not expecting everyone to speak English. I realize the onus is on me to learn the local language, but I have been here less than a week.)

Man, I have to (re)learn Kannada FAST.

Anyway, I find it fascinating that these companies send people out to demonstrate the stuff. That would never happen in the US. There you go home with the whatever it is (delivery is extra unless you buy like 500 things or there is some promotion) and you read the useless manual that might as well have been written by lizards. it's all trial and error. If someone showed up at your house unannounced and said they were there to show you how to use your microwave, you would refuse to open the door, assume they were a serial rapist/murder, and call 911.

Hmmm... I hear cheering and yelling. Is there a cricket match on? Must be!

settling in

2006-06-05T10:02:00.000-04:00

Well, I am all alone for a day or so. My fiance has left for Mumbai to go on his interview at the Italian embassy for his tourist visa... we're off to visit my relatives for our honeymoon. So, I am hanging about the apartment. I might go out tomorrow, but I am still a bit unsure of my neighborhood. We live on a side street fairly close to a main road, but I still do not know the area too well. I suppose there is a lot of work to do around here, but I have no clue where to start. Mopping the hell out of the floors might be prudent.

Yesterday we went and purchased a washing machine, dryer and microwave, and asked them to deliver them on wednesday. Just after my fiance left for the airport, he called to say they would be delivering the washer this evening. So the LG demo guy shows up, but not the washer. Finally after some uncomfortable time waiting (we had been assured it was on it's way) I sent him off. Two hours later the washer and microwave arrive, accompanied by two guys who basically only spoke Kannada. I struggled through telling them where to place things, and so now I have the appliances but no demo guy.

Today morning we dropped my sarees for the wedding and the reception at the seamstress who was recommended by the shop where I purchased them. We go and I get fitted, and she gives a price of 1600 for making the 2 blouses, putting in the falls and making an underskirt. I thought this was OK, but what do I know. Only after talking to a friend did I realize we have been charged nearly double what it should cost. I guess I have a lot to learn about the going rate of goods and services. I can haggle like a pro for kurtas and such on the streets. But for other things I am clueless. I have no idea how much I should be paying for things like my wedding jewellry, or the person to do the bridal mehendi.

A few days back I emailed my family to tell them that the monsoons have started and it has cooled off a lot here in Bangalore. Just now I get an email back from my cousin saying "what monsoons?" Duh? I had sent them all an email two months back telling them everything they needed to know about getting around, the weather, food, etc. Obviously he has not read a word of it. Luckily my parents have been to India a number of times and know what to expect. The rest of the family is a big question mark. My uncle was in Vietnam, so he's been to Asia before, and his wife lived in Turkey for a couple years. My cousin's wife travelled around China backpacking, so I am sure she'll be OK too. But my cousin. Hmmmm... give him a day or to and he'll be wanting a steak or some such continental food item. But bless them all for making their way over here for my wedding.

Right now I am just hoping that the friggin spray keeps the roaches out of my bedroom.

Next chore... wedding jewellry!

Typical Day

2006-06-03T01:50:00.000-04:00

OK so I have only been here two days, but here is a typical day:

Go to bed at around midnight. At around 2 I wake up to go to the bathroom and generally see 1-2 giant cockroaches in the middle of the bedroom floor. This is when I proceed to have a nervous breakdown. I run for the spray, and usually they have disappeared by the time I return. I then generally sit on the bed with the light on for a couple hours waiting for their return. But they are smart and have more patience. They wait until I give up and turn out the light again to come back out. Last night when I got up one was dying in the middle of the floor... legs wiggling up to god in penance... from the spray I had already put down. It took me 10 minutes to capture him and another 20 to propely flush him down the toilet... he did not want to go down. I am sure my downstairs neighbors are wondering why the new people above them used the bathroom so much, so continuously at 3 AM.

Because my paranoia lasts until after 5 AM, I am usually asleep until at least 10 AM. Then I get up to take a shower. Except today just as I switched on the hot water heater, security called to tell me the plumber is coming. Well, that was 1.5 hours ago. I am still waiting. Without, of course, having had my shower. My fiance is stuck in traffic on his way over (yeah, goes without saying in Bangalore), so I am just waiting alone.

In the meantime another guy came to install the Aquaguard water purifier. I generally have little trouble understanding people here when they speak. This dude... well, let's just say I understand that I need to run 15 litres of water through before I use it, and that was about it. He ended his tutorial by asking only "doubts?" and I think I nearly pissed myself trying to keep from laughing. Yeah dude... I have doubts. I have doubts that I can keep the roaches at bay, I have doubts that I will ever get used to my bathroom arrangement here, and I have serious doubts that I will ever learn how to drive in a city that seems to have no set traffic rules.

I guess later what will happen is that we will make plans to get a lot done, and because of traffic we will probably get exactly one thing accomplished. I am hoping that thing is getting me to the seamstress, because I have yet to have the blouses made for my wedding and reception sarees.

Luckily one of my fiance's closest friends is in town so I will finally get to meet him later today. Hopefully by then I will have gotten to shower. I am not hedging any bets, though.

The apartment itself is very nice. It will be a lot better once we get some furniture to fill the vast empty spaces. Right now we have 2000 sq feet filled with almost nothing. We do, however, have the master bedroom almost done, and have gotten some nice curtains for every room except the living room. I am most excited about the dining area. I have big plans. We've put in long orange embroidered dupioni curtains on the doors that open to the balcony, and I want to put in a rectangular wooden table. I'll decorate it with a large vase holding red poppies, and orange and white dishes. Bright, sunny, airy.

On my first full night in the apartment I made my fiance some pasta with mushrooms and a fresh tomato ragu. I don't think he liked it very much. Indian cooking is marvelous, but for the most part the flavors are very strong. Italian cooking is mostly subtle flavors, so I think he thought the dish was bland. Next time I will use more chilis in the sauce, and maybe a bit more garlic. It will be a challenge for me to cook full time for a vegetarian. I am dying to roast a chicken with lemon and rosemary. Oh well, I guess I will settle for spinach and brinjals. :)

I had a lovely rava masala dosa for lunch yesterday. yum. I could eat one of those every day for the rest of my life and be very happy. Which reminds me. We bought a microwave idli maker yesterday, but still have no microwave. Do those things work? We also bought the little board and roller to make chappathis. I am crap at making chappathis. I wonder how I am going to be at this Indian housewife thing if I cannot make a proper chappathi. Will they refuse me my PIO card on that basis?

"No, sorry madam. We have heard that you cannot even make chappathis, so we cannot issue your card. It wouldn't be right."

"But I can make naan, and probably rotis, and..."

"No. No PIO card for you until you make chappathis"

And so it goes. The life of a firang squirrel in her first days living in India.

welcome to my new blog

2006-06-02T10:35:00.000-04:00

OK everybody... this will be my new space to document the trials, tribulations, hilarity, and sheer joy of living as a foreigner married to an Indian (in India).

Stay tuned... it's sure to be... um... well, it's sure to be funny if nothing else.

right now my mantra seems to be "swalpa adjust maadi"

Hee